the show: 02-15-07

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Transcript

Man on the street: Good morning sports racers. From Minneapolis, Minnesota, welcome to The Show with Zefrank!

It's cold outside and knowledge is simultaneously under the weather and over the weather.

A while back, Creepy Sheep wrote; How do I regain my naivety?

Ho-ho god! I'm not sure, but a good place to start might be to forget how to use useful things and simultaneously come up with uses for useless things.

Try and do that often enough so you get stuck in the middle. And the world around you vibrates like a Necker cube. I think that's what those funny monks do. Go into the woods and join a monastery for five years, what ever. Just stay away from those art appreciation classes. Those art students, boy...so much anger. You wanna know how to piss them off? After you've bought them a blue-berry muffin at their favorite coffee shop, pull out a napkin and draw a graph. On one axis write the word "utility" and on the other write the word "beauty". They'll probably already start getting a little pissed off. You can tell if underneath the safety pins, their partially exposed knee starts to jitter. At this point, take away the muffin and say it was bought to be looked at, not to be eaten. To explain the graph, start by drawing some dots. Say that this one represents a Milli Vanilli album, and this one a seeing-eye pug. For reference, draw another dot representing most prostitutes. Then put one in the lower-right corner, and say it represents art.

That should just about do it. Let em have a bite of the muffin before they ask you to define art. Avoid that question unless you can hold your pee for about 3,000 years. But if you want to get them going, tell them you'll define art appreciation. Say it's your tolerance for experiencing the thoughts and emotions that something engenders, without contemplating, or participating in, its usefulness. At this point, take a bite out of that muffin, chew it up, and stick out your tongue.

Necker cube.

And from now on, you get five points each time they say the words “Objective,” “Subjective,” or “Continuum.” Tell ‘em that’s what you’re doing. And THAT’S how you piss an art student off.

Just so you know, power moves are located here. They should be beautiful, and make you feel tingly. The best power moves, of course, are located in the duck's butt. That's where the awesome is. In the absence of hard chargers, they should appear useless, but feel good. When you invent one, it should not yet have a name. That's why juggling and back flips don't count. It should also be something you can do anywhere, any time you need to let some awesome out.

Now that that's cleared up, get your power moves in before The Awesomeness Challenge begins!

(Muffled singing with chewed-up muffin in his mouth)

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-3.gif    Love the Googe! Thanks for making me smile!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    shout out to roseburg and creative images


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