the show: 03-05-07

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Transcript

[Intro by a CGI character, forming characters with her body. Female voice from off.] Ready? Set? Go! Gimme an Z! Gimme an E! Gimme an F! Gimme an R! Gimme an A! Gimme an N! Gimme an K! What's that spell? The show.

Ze: [contemplating and mumbling] Whatever you say!

Worst spelling bee ever!

But you are quite flexible.

You know, I'm not [finger quoting] "the whack", but I do hang out on my space dot c-o-m.

But I'm not one of those people that's there for the pictures. I'm there for the words.

I like Favorite Books, General Interest, that'll eat up a Saturday, and how about those About Me's! [laughs] Racy!

But, recently I was a bit disturbed to find out that some of the conversations I'd been having with the people I'd met, weren't as private as I thought they were.

Sometimes I do the video chat thing, but I assume it's personal, and won't show up on advertising.

Aside from feeling a bit violated, they also edited me out, because I assume that true.com did not want to pay me.

So the result is I don't see any money, the world sees a slice of my personal life, and it's taken out of context.

[Footage from wondergirl's video chat page, lying on a couch with a laptop. Ze speaking from off.] For example, I found footage of one of my many Sunday afternoon chats with wondergirl. She began by writing, "Hey there, sexy." That's my instant messager handle. [wondergirl waves into camera]

[Cut to Ze lying on his bed with his Powerbook, wearing shorts and black socks, waving with a goofy smile.] I was happy to hear from her, so we could continue our conversation from the night before. [starts typing] "So, are you still a desperate out-of-work actress?"

[wondergirl] She liked it when I said things like that. She said it made me seem genuine. Besides, the move to L.A. from Wisconsin hadn't been that easy for her. [starts typing] "I got an internet commercial LOL" [starts laughing]

[Ze, smelling his finger and gagging] Looking back, that should have probably tipped me off. But I was naive. "That is so totally gonna hook up your career WINK."

[wondergirl, laughing] She didn't know I was kidding. I liked that about her. "Do YOU act?"

[Ze, laughing incredulously] We were pretty much hitting it off. "No, but I'd like to see you act." Stupid.

[wondergirl] I had to give it to her. She nailed that one.

[Ze] "Now, pretend to puke into your hands," [wondergirl laughs with her hands in front of her mouth] "and when you're done, blow it all over me." [wondergirl blows a kiss into the camera] She was on fire, and she knew it.

[Ze, pretends to catch the imaginary vomit, and stuffs it into his mouth, licking his fingers afterwards] Did I think we had something. Sure. But then she caught me off guard.

[wondergirl, typing] "I really like your P-*-S-S-Y."

[Ze, stares into the camera, horrified, as Annie exits the frame in the background] That was pretty much it for me. I'm not into that kinda crap.

[Footage from amore4you's video chat page] It wouldn't have been so bad, if it was just her. But they got footage of my conversation with amore4you as well. Like that time I asked her to hump dance her laptop. [amore4you dancing, holding her laptop to her belly] Man, that got me going.

[Ze, sitting on the edge of his bed with his laptop] Or that other time, when we showed each other our armpits. [tucks up his sleeeves and shows his right armpit]

[amore4you showing her armpit in a dancing move] That girl certainly knew how to video chat.

[Ze lying on his bed, licking his index finger] I guess all I'm really saying is, "Be careful." Something like this could happen to you. [picking and rubbing his nose.]



This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    thank you, ze. i'll miss you.

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Thanks for the show, Ze. deb & rob

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    thank you for a very good year, ze - jim & kat

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Happy Birthday Ariel! Chris loves youse!

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Only 5.2 cents per day! Thanks, Ze! - peacekismet

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Thanks for keeping me smiling (and informed!)

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    save the LOA Internship Program, wussies!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    Quack it like it is, ze

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    I don't want muffin genitals!

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-4.gif    I don't know what to say but thank you, Ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    thanks for keeping me sane, ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    ze, i heart you :3

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-7.gif    This candy is Grimmie flavoured, yum yum!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Thanks for the run!!!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    must... protect... genitals...

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-4.gif    from my muffin to your shishkebob:thx4 1 great yr!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Thanks for the fun Ze! Lovin the ORG - SailRacer

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    little pixelated duckies seem so cheap

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    I'll give you a second, to make me feel better.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    Kids, put your money away! Yeah right. Thanks Ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Thank you for the wonderful show! We'll miss you.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Here is to - BIG BALLS - drnjr31

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Here is to - BIG BALLS - drnjr31

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    to our future engagement Oosal, Love, Eamane

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    yes to true love, no to muffin-shaped genitals

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-2.gif    Thnx 4 the pankeggs! Worked w/out bonding holes.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    M luvs Sooz

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-2.gif    Ze, Hearing you laugh on 3/1 was amazing. Thanks!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Please leave my genitals alone, okay?

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    Thanks for being awesome, dude.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thanks

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-3.gif    Mint candy!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thanks Ze, we'll miss you. -Adena

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Genitals or muffins ... man, tough choice.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    We will miss you Ze, this better save my genitals.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    Thanks for the inspiration ze. Megan64

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    Do duckies fear the ides of march?

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    keeping my genitals @ mikegolay.com. thanks! - mkg

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thank you, Ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thanks for th great year, Ze! We'll miss you!


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