the show: 03-14-07

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[Intro by a girl making up her lips, and painting a curly mustache on her upper lip.] Good morning Sports Racers, and treasure this last week of The Show with Ze Frank.

[Ze:] I'm a bit sad today. [starts to smile] Just kidding!

Geeez, it was getting a bit heavy. It's springtime!

Springtime is where people in the north-east look at trees and bushes for signs of their impending genitalia.

And people in L.A. look at shop displays for signs of impending new collections.

Like after a long cold it's that point where your sense of smell comes back. And everything smells pretty, huh.

Springtime is where I get a new sense of empathy for the world and its creatures.

[Footage of Ze standing next to a tree on the sidewalk] For example today I realized my shadow must get very cold. I always seem to be blocking its sunlight.

[Ze spreading his arms, his shadow cast on a t-shirt and pants lying on the sidewalk.] In the spirit of springtime, I decided to spend a few minutes each day warming my shadow up. I felt a little badly for other people's shadows. Some people just don't get it. But I found that if you stand there long enough, some people start asking how they can warm their shadows, too.

Sa-sa-sa-something from the fo-rum.

[Cut to forum post] beowulfkg writes: consumerism; what itch are we trying to scratch?

[Ze standing in the kitchen washing a glass in the sink.] You know what, beowulfkg? I might not be the right person to ask. Because I'm not into it. I'm not into -- consumerism. [Looks into camera] Disgusting. When people consume. And not only am I not into it, actually trying to prevent it. Sometimes I buy two, or three, or four of something, so nobody else can consume it. You know, "I'll have two appetizers, throw one in the garbage. I don't even wanna see it. But don't let anyone else consume it." [looks back to sink] Oh crap, huh, I almost got my Brookstone weather doo-dad wet.

Although I try not to consume, it would be unrealistic to say that I never do it. Sometimes I find myself at theme parties and other people are doing it.

But if I do, I take a hint from the native Americans. If they chop down a tree, they'd use every part of it. The wood inside for fire. The bark and leaves for clothing.

[Voice from off, while Ze is drinking a yogurt, saying hello to the empty package, and re-enacting a rocket take-off with it.] So on the rare occasions that I do consume, I try and do the same thing. Trying not to waste any single part of that thing, that, uh, I was forced to consume.

I even could use this little bit of cellophane, to make a ball. [Makes cellophane ball and presents the ball to the camera.]

And it wouldn't stop there. For every tree they'd chop down, they'd plant a new tree. So for that yogurt-on-the-go I just consumed, I bought another one and put it on the street.

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