the show: 03-16-07

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Transcript

[Title image with Ze's voice from off.] Thanks once again to Dewar's for sponsoring the final week of The Show and for sponsoring the build out of this archive in the weeks to come.

[Intro by a guy on a summit.] Aloha Sports Racers from Haleakalā Crater, Haleakalā National Park, Maui, HI, you're watching The Show with Ze Frank.

[Ze:] Sports Racers, thank you for all your amazing intros throughout the year, and I'm sorry that I didn't get to use all of them.

You know what today is, but first, a little bit of housekeeping.

The Power Move Awesomeness Challenge Quack Attack is complete!

Over 250 of you entered your Power Moves. Those were whittled down to sixteen.

Hundreds of thousands of votes were cast - not kidding.

And today, we announce the winners.

  • Most awesome Power Move submitted by someone who probably has male genitalia.
  • Most awesome Power Move submitted by someone who probably has female genitalia.
  • Most awesome Power Move in the mixed genitals category.
  • In the special categories, best Power Move instructional video.
  • And last but not least, best Power Move special effect.

CON-gratulations winners, I think for the moment we're safe, drop me a note and you'll have your pick of a meaningless product.

Second bit of housekeeping: although tomorrow is the last day of the show, creative mojo will keep on truckin' at zefrank.org.

If you've got some energies you want to release, come on over and check it out.

The ORG is what I call a social media playground, but you might call it something different, like Nancy.

The ORG currently has more than 19,000 members, and for all you tech-geeks, it leverages over a dozen APIs.

For all you non tech-geeks, that means you can collaborate on, share and show off all that stuff you've already put up on the wild wet wild intertube.

Or find hot chocolate and a job in your neighborhood.

Over 15,000 images and 2,000 videos have already been added, and it's the home to a number of ongoing projects like

  • the collaborative illustration of the Stumpy bedtime story,
  • the awesome Exquisite Corpse project, and
  • the neverending comic.

Anyway, I hope to see you there in the months to come.

But today of course is...

[RTFEDD intro using stop-motion animation and sand-art. Background music starts with the beginning of Act 3 of Wagner's Die Walkure, better known as Ride of the Valkyries, and transitions to RTFEDD theme music.]

Ohh, that was cool, let's just do one more.

[RTFEDD intro using stop-motion animation and dot.S pixel kits from Japan.]

Thank you Sports Racers for your all of your RTFEDD animations. You guys rock!

[Picture of General Pace] This week, the nations top general, General Peter Pace, [cut to another photo] seen here not holding hands with another man, voiced his concerns about gays in the military.

The problem according to General Pace is the gayness itself, which he called "immoral," and akin to adultery.

[Picture of General Pace holding his index finger up, Ze speaking with strained voice] Number one.

Although Pace later apologized for his personal views, Kansas Senator Brownback backed Pace's original sentiment.

Brownback also suggested that the military update its policy from "Don't ask, don't tell," to simply: "Don't."

A good week for tolerance in America.

With a vote of 50 to 48 a Senate resolution to withdraw American troops from Iraq by 2008 was defeated yesterday.

Republicans said that the resolution would have been devastating to the American war effort.

[Smiles encouragingly] Yeah, I think that was the point.

After the recent scandal surrounding the neglect of wounded soldiers at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center, the Army fired General George Weightman, who was in charge of the facility.

The Bush administration said that any further investigations into how we put our wounded soldiers at risk would potentially embolden the enemy, and put our soldiers at risk.

[Picture of Alberto Gonzales] In the case of the fired federal prosecutors, attorney general Alberto Gonzales told the truth and nothing but the truth, except when he lied.

[Picture of Kyle Sampson] Earlier this week, Gonzales trying to pull a Scooter Libby, blaming his aide Kyle Sampson for orchestrating the shake-up.

[Another picture of Alberto Gonzales] Gonzales, seen here in a picture not taken this week, said, quote, "I was not involved in seeing any memos, was not involved in any discussions about what was going on."

[Picture of a news website] However, emails surfaced today that showed that he was in fact having those discussions --- with Karl Rove.

Rove. What a news hog. He's got to be in every story.

Gonzales is still reportedly waiting for the President's word...to lie down.

He's done such a good job at rolling over.

[Picture of two sleeping pill packages] In science, the F.D.A. has ordered new labels on sleeping pills, warning of strange side effects. The effects include: eating while sleeping, and driving while sleeping.

Technically, the sleeping part isn't that weird, it's the driving, and the eating.

Night eaters said that they woke up to find Tostitos and Snickers wrappers in their beds.

Oh my gosh, how did these get here!?

And sometimes finding in their kitchen counters overflowing with flour from baking sprees.

Stranger still was the fact that these people had no idea that they could bake.

And now, the weather.

[Footage of Jack Black (JB)] Fluorescence. Is it fluorescence, or fluorescent? [female voice from off] Fluorescent.

[Ze] Oh, yeah, it was supposed to be fluorescent, because you're...indoors, erm, but whatever.

[JB a little angry] Fluorescent.

[Ze speaking into his mobile phone] Yeah, if you could talk to him, that'd be great, no, no, yeah, he got the line, uh, it was just a little, um, angry, and I was hoping that maybe he could look up first.

[JB] Is it in the script? He looks up annoyed? It is in the script. [Pan over to woman at a desk] I would say give it a minute, to be like, "now here's the weather," and you're thinking... [JB from off] Oh, alright, I got it, I got it.

[JB, right hand on his chin] Fluorescent. [Exhales, rises eyebrow.]

[Ze on his phone again] No, I like it, I'm just saying we should ditch the looking-up thing, 'cause that's not working, uh, but keep the raising the eyebrows, that gives a nice touch. Uh-huh, well just have fun with it.

[JB] I'm gonna say: Fluorescent. [Raises both eyebrows, ...]

[Ze laughing] And that is how you weather report.

This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

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