the show: 03-20-06

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(the commentary: 03-20-06)


Good morning, it's Monday, March twentieth. I haven't showered and my breath smells like a poodle crapped in my mouth. Let's be friends as I tell you everything that you need to know about today. It's just like TV, but with pimples.

Today marks the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and president Bush is expected to address the nation this evening to explain why he is so darn optimistic about it. Rather than focus on "statistics" and "numbers" Bush is expected to get "anecdotal" on your ass, and talk about Talafar, a small town that was once so crawling with insurgents that even a young boy was recruited as a terrorist. The mayor of Talafan - hm, Talafan? - the mayor of Talafar has referred to Bush as "an avenging angel, sent by the god himself". Bush of course said: "I know. But not your god."

Scientologist soul singer Isaac Hayes quits his role as Chef in South Park, citing the show's inappropriate ridicule of religion and the fact that his dark, dark glasses didn't allow him to actually see the over one hundred and fifty episodes of South Park that he starred in. His belief that he was part of a family oriented animated cooking show was shattered when he saw an episode of South Park where his guru, Tom Cruise, was urged to come out of the closet. Homosexuality, whether or not you get a woman pregnant, is forbidden in Scientology.

The Mars rover Spirit lost one of its six wheels and for the first time in history a fifth wheel comes in handy. (frowns) That's gross. Who's Handy?

A new filter called iShield is supposedly able to filter out pornographic images based on the content of the images themselves. Under the "how it works" section of their site, they explain the process as detecting skin tone, texture, edges, mass, limbs, and the face. (frown) Why not just search for huffamaginas and the pegeenises?

And that's everything that happened today. This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.


First Dirty Space News, in a way. Although it's more like something dirty based on a jokingly misused metaphor about some space news.

Also first use of the tagline "This is Ze Frank thinking so you don't have to."

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