the show: 03-22-06

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(the commentary: 03-22-06)

Hello Sports Racers, it's Wednesday March twenty-second, hold my hand as we go in search of an infogasm.

Today I'm coming at you from a hotel room in Washington, D.C., that was designed to look like a rainbow that just got its ass kicked by Chuck Norris. If this were like my house, this is the room that I would hang out in all the time. They even give you a little box of Q-Tips. (mouth full of Q-Tips) Wrahwrahwah. Wraaaah. No, I didn't put the Q-Tips back in the box after I used them. Pff.

Here in Washington, D.C., - not a state, a state of mind - I came across this quaint paper version of the Internet in which I found out that Alphonso Soriano, normally a second baseman, is refusing to play in left field for the Nationals. Soriano's refusal will draw attention to the plight of many exploited workers who make over ten million dollars a year. It sends a good message. To the children.

(shot of hotel phone) It's the little things about this hotel room that I like. See that message light that's flashing? There's no messages, I checked four times. But I still feel like someone cares.

Is the American patent system, as the young kids say, "full of shit"? Deedeet deedeet deedeet. A company called Metabolite is claiming that its patent extends to the correlation between two facts, elevated homocysteine levels and vitamin B deficiency. If a doctor finds a patient has elevated homocysteine levels he or she cannot infer a vitamin B deficiency without paying royalties to Metabolite.

Meanwhile, in an effort to clamp down on indie comic makers, Marvel Comics is attempting to trademark the word "superhero". Cory Doctorow of Boingboing suggests we never use the word superhero again, replacing it with "underwear perverts". Deedeet deet deet deedeet deedeet. They are dirty. Dirty perverts.

In an interview with CNet, Bill Gates said that Microsoft was poised to take on Google. Meanwhile, Microsoft announced that Windows Vista will be shipping one to two months late because of "security issues", but interestingly, businesses who buy in bulk will receive the software on time.

While Vista sits in storage, Google released a bad-ass financial beta at finance.google.com in their attempts to confuse me into thinking that things might actually be better when Google takes over the world.

In Afghanistan, a man was arrested for rejecting Islam and converting to Christianity, and possibly awaits the death penalty. American forces there say "Whuh? I thought we bombed democracy into you guys."

Bush announced that US troops will most likely still be in Iraq after two thousand and eight, not really a time line, more like a time horizon. In recent interviews, Dick Cheney has blamed the eroding presidential polls on the fact that the US media chooses to focus on the negative, rather than the upbeat and positive. Meanwhile in Iraq, where those positive things are happening, the US government has been paying to put propaganda into the supposedly free press. CNN.com continues to respect the intelligence of its viewers with stories like "Crocodile kills humanitarian professor", "Man runs from police, dies stuck in mud", "Teacher sues over whoopie cushion chair", and "China slaps a tax on chopsticks".

If you didn't see it here it didn't happen. This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

Huh, dirty. Take a shower, dirty perverts. Huhhuh.

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