the show: 03-23-06

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(the commentary: 03-23-06)

Transcript

Thursday, March twenty-second. Owwwwww! Who wants a duckie? I had some cream cheese this morning.

Am I hung over? Sure. Now if those labels make you feel better. (sniffs nose) But does that stop the truth rocket… ship from… coming? Hell no.

(long drag on the Starbucks, coughs)

(Sample Shampoo Bottle #1) Look at me, I'm having so much fun! Oh, look! Morning time! (vomit sound)

(Sample Shampoo Bottle #2) Dude, that's disgusting. Oh, it smells so bad. (vomit sound)

(Sample Shampoo Bottle #3) I'm a pervert, I'm a pervert!

The College Board announced today that thousands of kids will receive higher grades on their SATs because of scoring errors. Brian O'Reilly, executive director of the College Board's SAT Information Services, says "we feel terrible about this. We're putting kids through a great deal of anxiety and angst."

The SATs, a single number that basically determines where you go to college, putting kids through anxiety and angst? No!

Blah!

With the conviction of the dog handler, another low-ranking soldier has been found guilty in connection with the abuses at Abu Ghraib. No high-ranking official seems to know anything about it.

Army of One: when the shit hits the fan, you're on your own.

An advisory committee to the FDA has recommended that stimulants like Ritalin carry a warning label because a small number of children suffer hallucinations that usually feature insects, snakes, or worms.

Awesome!

Last night some sports team somewhere gave God credit for their win, while the losing team blamed themselves.

The New York Times played a prank on the world today, writing a news story on a fictional country they call "Belarus."

Despite the objections of the cute and cuddly Justices Roberts, Scalia, and Thomas, the Supreme Court narrowed the number of circumstances that the police can search your home. If there are two people living together and one objects to the search, the police still cannot come in. So if your spouse suddenly becomes a narc

Go play with your narc toys, narc!

Today I leave the city of Washington, D.C., and its many people of average size and weight, to go to one of the two states called Carolina.

You know how it is, right? This is Ze Frank, feelin' like crap so you don't have to.

Comments

Previous unofficial tags by Supermissile: Truth rocket ship, single serving shampoo, SAT, Abu Ghraib, Ritalin, hallucinations, God, Belarus, SCOTUS

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