the show: 03-24-06

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(the commentary: 03-24-06)

Transcript

It's Friday, March twenty-fourth, you dirty tiger. Come join me in line, it's mac and cheese day at the cafeteria of knowledge.

But first, some quality time. Just you and me.

(beat)

This is awkward. You're just staring at me.

This morning, I started out in Columbia, South Carolina, (driving past a 20 foot fire hydrant) a town with no peculiarities, whatsoever. (interior of car) Then, I went somewhere else. "So, Florida, huh?" (pan to driver)

Star Magazine, this week, reports that the Church of Scientology reportedly sees TomKitten, the expected child of Katie Holmes, as a kind of Second Coming, a kid born to two celeb scientologists. The news broke amid lingering questions about Tom Cruise's involvement in the First Coming.

USA Today reports that the head of the US program to rebuild Iraq said, Thursday, that the Iraqi government can no longer count on US funds and must rely on its own money to complete the massive rebuilding process. If you think about it, it's kinda the Iraqis fault anyways. If they hadn't built so much stuff, nothing would have been destroyed by the bombs we dropped.

In an attempt to bring the happier news from Iraq, USA Today reports that cell-phone usage is soaring. For example, Ahmad Igab, twenty-six, spends 30 dollars of his 150 dollars a month salary, on his two cell-phones. But at least things are going well in Afghanistan.

The Smoking Gun today released a list of requirements that Vice President Dick Cheney has when he stays in a hotel room. Among the requirements:

  • four cans of diet, caffeine free Sprite
  • that the temperature be set to 68 degrees and
  • that all televisions be tuned to Fox News.

Who doesn't have a list?

The Clarion in South Carolina honored my request for wall-mounted head boards, flush-mounted tissue dispensers, and a non-working toilet phone with no buttons and a mirror, in case I get confused. (on the phone) "Hello? Who's this? Uh... Hold on let me check." (checks face in mirror) "Oh. It's me."

In a recent issue of GQ, an anonymous writer makes the case that Republicans are better in bed than Democrats, based on years of research. MSNBC.com has transcripts of a Tucker Carlson interview on the subject that blows my mind. At one point, Carlson states "I'm not threatened at all. I'm kind of aroused, honestly. I mean, she likes Republicans because they have no conscience and they're less sensitive."

In a speech yesterday, President Bush said that, despite some work to be done, Afghanistan is quote unquote "coming around". Coming around, like, a corner? Or, like, a circle.

Meanwhile, speaking on the Christian convert who's on trial in Afghanistan, a moderate cleric, Abdul Raulf, said that "rejecting Islam is insulting God, we will not allow God to be humiliated, this man must die." Does that like, apply to me, too?

Creepy looking Basque separatists declare a cease-fire, but refuse to stop wearing those silly hats.

But what's your opinion? If you said anything you failed the test. This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

Oh yeah. Oh. Yeah.

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