the show: 04-05-06

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the show: 04-04-06 | watch this show | the show: 04-06-06
toilet seat protector, poop slide, tagging flickr, me, ahmed, france protests, straw, rice, new york times redesign, sex offenders,

list of all transcripts | list of incomplete transcripts


(the commentary: 04-05-06)

Transcript

Just a reminder, what other people think of you is none of your business.

Good morning, Sports Racers, it's Wednesday, April 5th. Talk funny 'cause (baby voice) knowledge is like a little baby.

Many of you have asked, paper toilet seat protectors, good or evil? Sports Racer reports. This is a toilet seat protector, the only time when a thin porous piece of paper is thought adequate in guarding you from venereal disease. Many of you have asked about this flap, which way does it go? Is it a poop slide or is it a pee pee splash guard? It turns out it's neither, it's part of a fun bathroom game. The flap hangs down into the toilet bowl and challenges you to finish your business before the contaminated water creeps up the paper and comes in contact with your skin.

Flickr user clevermolly doesn't really understand tagging. This photograph, for example, is tagged with the word "me". Molly, it's a picture of you. If you want people to find it, tag it with the word "you". Elsewhere on Flickr, this photograph was tagged with "man", "camping" and "romantic".

S-s-s-something from the comments.

Ahmed writes: "Sadly, this is the only way I pay attention to the world outside my room and college." Ahmed, it sounds like someone's been thinking. You leave that to me. Don't worry because after college you'll have plenty of opportunities to tour the world with the military, fighting against other people named Ahmed.

In France, millions of young people turned out to protest the law that allows employers to hire and fire workers 26 years old and under at any point during the first 2 years on the job.

The reason this law is producing such a massive response is… I'm not really sure.

Just to clarify, French people are foreigners. And foreigners are illegal immigrants who don't live in the United States.

The Times of India reports that, during a 7 hour flight to Kuwait, Jack Straw slept in Condoleezza Rice's private cabin in the aircraft. Condoleezza reportedly slept on the floor in the aisle as flight attendants stepped over her.

Smirky Ze: …or perhaps that was a double designed to look like Condoleezza.

From the New York Times, the Motion Picture Association of America announced that 2 online movie services, Movielink and CinemaNow, will begin selling major films as downloads on the same day that DVDs are sold at stores. Sounds like an evasion, smells like diaper. The downloads are expected to cost twice as much as DVDs, they're Windows only, and you can only play them on your computer.

Sarcastic Ze: The kids are gonna love it.

In related news, The New York Times seems to be trying to drive up the sales of its paper edition by redesigning its website to look like crap.

Sandy Thom, a 24 year-old Brit, recently created a webcast in which she sang from her room for 21 consecutive nights. By the end of the process, she had a daily audience of more than 100,000 people from around the world. Yesterday, RCA-Sony-BMG announced that they had signed Sandy Thom to a label. Sony-BMG will now put Sandy's music on CDs infected with a root-kit virus and pay her pennies for each album sold.

Don't swim upstream, baby, the future was right where you were.

Yesterday, the Sunday Herald had a story on the Information Operations Road Map, a report commissioned and approved by US Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld. The report is full of all sorts of scary crap, urging the Department of Defense to "fight the net," and also calls for information and psychological warfare, also known as propaganda. Examples of information warfare, listed in the report, include the creation of "truth squads" to provide public information when negative publicity, such as the Abu Ghraib torture scandal, hits US operations.

At least the trains will run on time.

Move over, MySpace, the Department of Homeland Security may be just as fertile ground for the romping of sex offenders. Brian J. Doyle, a deputy press secretary for the US Department of Homeland Security was arrested in a child sex sting. While talking dirty to someone he thought was a 14 year-old girl, Doyle revealed he was working for the DHS, gave out his home and office phone numbers, and the number to his government-issued cell phone.

(look of total shock and confusion)

This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

(toilet seat protector flutters on Ze's breath)

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