the show: 04-07-06

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(the commentary: 04-07-06)

Transcript

Good morning, it's Friday, April seventh. Another week has passed us by, but you and I have grown closer as knowledge has made the womb of our intellect fertile.

(singing) I like to move it, move it. I like to move it, move it.

Not to brag, but I'm going to Syracuse this weekend. It's not Oneonta or Oswego or those fancy places, but I'm excited. I think of Syracuse as New York's… balls.

The Journal of Science reports that researchers from the University of California have discovered new rings around Uranus.

(biting lower lip and giggling)

While Uranus had been known to have inner rings of neutral color, 2 outer rings, one red and the other blue, have been observed.

(biting tongue and giggling)

Saturn's outermost ring is also blue and researchers noted that each of of the known blue rings has a moon in embedded within it, which leads to the question "is there a moon embedded in the ring of Uranus?"

(laughs crazily)

More dirty space news!

Researchers at the University of Virginia have found two super massive black holes that are spiraling towards a collision that will create a single super massive black hole.

(mouth close-up) Black hoooooooole.

Lead researcher, Craig Sereson said "The question was, is this pair of super massive black holes an old married couple or just strangers passing in the night? We know that they are coupled and one of the black holes invariably will eat the other."

That's kinky. I'll put my money on strangers. passing in the night.

The article goes on to say "Each of the black holes is ejecting a pair of oppositely directed jets of superheated gas." Get it? Like, the black holes are like butts (laughs) and the gas is like farts (laughs).

I'm such a geek!

This week Apple Computers announced that owners of its new Intel-based Macs can run Microsoft's rival software, Windows XP. Finally, I can get some of these viruses the young kids are raving about.

Unlike uncivilized countries that provide universal health care, President Bush is pushing for a plan where US citizens would open private health care savings accounts.

(mouth close-up) Black hoooooooole.

In the true spirit of democracy, President Bush announced a plan in which citizens would help match the cost of government programs that benefited them. According to the plan, airline passengers would soon be charged more for the wildly successful security screenings program and veterans would have to pay more for health care.

It's not clear whether the plan includes a reimbursement program for the millions of tweezers, nail files, lighters, and vanity scissors that it's stolen from the American public.

Yesterday, it was released that Scooter Libby testified that the President authorized him to release relevant parts of the National Intelligence estimate to offset criticism of the US-led invasion of Iraq. President Bush previously stated he would fire anyone associated with that leak. A year later, the President amended that statement saying he would only fire someone if they were found guilty of breaking a law associated with that leak. And, conveniently, the President has the authority to declassify this information, making his involvement, technically, legal.

The news came as a shock to many Americans who were surprised to find out that the President is actually involved in the day-to-day operations of the White House.

Personally, I find it nice that he found a hobby.

That's all that happened today, here I come Syracuse, this is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

Black, black hoooooooole.

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