the show: 04-21-06

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(the commentary: 04-21-06)

Transcript

(The opening screen lingers for an unusually long time.)


(Ze's head pokes up from the lower right of the screen.)

(Strange voice) Hello!


(Low Tom-Waits-esque voice) Morning, Sports Racers, it's Friday, April twenty-one, and knowledge tried to squeeze my pimples, (points) but it didn't work.


I apologize for a correction. On Wednesday the 19th, I reported, "Mark Bullock at the Southwest Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado..."


The report should have been as follows. "Mark Bullock-- in England, bollocks means balls!-- (snickers) at the Southwest Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado..."


Planning a trip? Yahoo!'s Farechase just emerged from beta. Farechase is a service that searches multiple travel brokers to help you comparison shop for airfare.


And while you're at it, why not plan a trip to China? According to Reporters Without Borders, Yahoo! helped Chinese police identify Jiang Lijun, who has recently been sentenced to four years for his online pro-democracy articles.


Yahooooose side are you on?


(Childish voice) "Daddy, I wanna see the imprisoned journalist!"


If you like having fun, try this optical illusion! Close your eyes!

Now piss your pants!

If the illusion worked, when you open your eyes, one of your pantlegs will be darker than the other.


Solamente gags!


(Ze's head pokes up from the lower right of the screen.)

(Strange voice) HELLO!


More baby best wishes for Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise! Tom, congratulations on no longer being the shortest member of your immediate family.


Philips Electronics has filed for a patent that will allow broadcasters to freeze a channel so viewers with TiVo-like technology could not skip commercials. Philips acknowledged that this technology would piss viewers off, but suggested that viewers could avoid the feature by paying broadcasters a fee.

Televisions of the future will also come equipped with spray fart and projectile vomit nozzles that won't shut off unless you pay.


(Strange voice) THIS IS OUR SECRET TIME TOGETHER.


In New York City, the deadline for a doormen's strike approaches. Michael Fishman, the president of Local 32BJ-- BJ! (snicker)-- said, "If we don't reach an agreement tonight, then we will have a strike."

It's feared that if the doormen strike, rich people across New York City will smack into glass doors and clutter sidewalks in front of their apartment buildings, milling around confused and frightened.


Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jafaari announced that he would relinquish his nomination to a new term after weeks of intense pressure, hopefully ending the months-long stalemate over the formation of a new government.

Hot Shi'ite, man! Here's to hoping that that trend spreads westward.


America's chief decider Bush apologized to China's chief decider Hu Jintao after a protester interrupted his speech. The protester, Wang Wen Yi, an American citizen, was charged with disorderly conduct and could face additional federal charges.

(Singing) In the la-and of the freeeeee...


The New York Times reports that the Food and Drug Administration said Thursday that no scientific studies supported the medical use of marijuana. Contradicting a 1999 re-- view-- (voice slows down psychedelically) Huh. Heh heh. Hey, little duckie. You're wearing my shirt.


Wash behind your ears, it's been a while. Have a good weekend. This is Ze Frank, thinking, so you don't have to.


(Ze makes a pouty face. You should see it. It's adorable.)

References

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