the show: 05-03-06

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Transcript

[French woman]: Voici un video podcast de bloggeur Ze Frank. Pour plus renseignements visitez double-ve double-ve double-ve point zefrank point com, slash zeshow

Double-ve double-ve double-ve

Good morning Sports Racers it's Wednesday May 3rd, I've got a peanut-butter sandwich, some doritos and a granola bar and I'd trade it all for a bag of Knowledge.

S-s-s-something from the comments.

Ed Rayne from the UK writes...

(Ze in a London accent) "Seriously, why do Americans find Europe so funny?"

I'm sorry, what?

(worse London accent) "Why do Americans find Europe so funny?"

Ehhh... I don't understand.

(near-retarded London accent) "Why do Americans find Europe so funny?"

Do you want money?...

"Funny..."

What?...

Ed, next time try posting in American so I can understand you.

What?

Double-ve double-ve double-ve

CNET News reports that Carnegie-Mellon unveiled it's scary-as-shit unmanned robotic combat vehicle.

That way, we can wage war without any wounded.

Meanwhile, DARPA, the Defence Advanced Research Projects Agency announced a contest for robotic vehicles that can autonomously navigate city streets.

I know someone who won't be competing in that competition.

18-year-old Amadou Ly is facing deportation just after his East Harlem Tech robotics team scored an upset victory over much wealthier New York city schools.

Unfortunately Amadou is one of those illegal immigrants.

Amadou, there are fast-tracks to becoming a US citizen, but first you'll have to learn how to do something useful like throw a baseball really fast.

America needs to get back to funding faith-based science, like intelligent design.

(Sings) If something's complicated nature certainly couldn't have made it, and that means God exists!

Intelligent Design, brought to you by the Discovery Institute.

The New York Times reports that the Bush administration is seeking to design powerful ground-based laser weapons that would use beams of concentrated light to destroy enemy satellites in orbit.

Finally someone's gonna do something about those satellites.

The research is part of a larger effort to develop space weapons, both defensive and offensive.

Yeah, that seems to be the direction that war's headed.

A senion Pentagon official who oversees the laser effort said, quote, "we need that ability to protect our assets in orbit."

Of course, the officials had to say that to protect their asses in the Pentagon.

A New Scientist headline reads "Drill digs deeper than ever into Earth's crust."

The Earth is dirty!

Pocky, pour les hommes.

(Music plays over a ducky-centric Power Move. Caption: "music submitted by adam smith")

(Sung) Sports racer, racing sports

Great intensity. You can do that power move anywhere. I name you bo-dog.

(Sung) Something from the neighbourhood, French edition nah...

Last night I used this giant French urinal. Then I tried one of the most awkward bidets I've ever used. I got served another sissy-looking breakfast. There wasn't any ketchup and I was too afraid to ask.

I was feeling homesick, but I found a sign that made me feel like I was back in New York. Then I saw an African American, but he didn't feel like talking.

All the latest fashions are on the promenade. Look close - he even tried the optical illusion.

This baby even stared at me. [whispers] Asshole!

Then I went to the beach to see some breasts.

Unfortunately this guy was drawing all the attention.

It must have been his nice tan.

Hey, have a cookie. This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

[French Ze, over music] Who likes the little little duckies in the pond? I do, I do, I do, a-chicka quack quack.

References

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