the show: 05-12-06

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OVER BLACK: HOW TO HIDE / A Practical Guide




(whispering) Are the new viewers gone yet?

Good morning Sports Racers, it's Friday May twelfth. This weekend Knowledge returns to America; let's start this shit up.

(to a beat) Any individual entity that presumes to understand the rules that guide this space is under an illusion. Bonnet-de-douche, buppa-bonnet-de-douche.

OH writes, "When people start typing 'First!' in your comments section, doesn't that mean your site has jumped the shark?"

The term "jumping the shark" refers to an episode of Happy Days where Fonzie waterski-jumped over a shark. That episode was thought of as the low point of Happy Days. OH, I bet you think:

(to a beat) Comments should be used in a particular way and that particular way is not when people post comments like "First!"

Sports Racers don't follow artificially imposed rules on conversation spaces. That's why when I get back, I'm gonna start building Comment King of the Hill.

(sings) Who is the King of the Comments?

Oh, and as far as "low point"—I don't know about you, Sports Racers, but I'm just gettin' motherfuckin' started, bitch.

I don't know what the fuck you're smiling about.

USA Today pretended it was a real newspaper, publishing an article on the extent of the administration's domestic surveillance program. It was revealed that AT&T, Verizon, and BellSouth were providing customer calling records to the NSA since shortly after September 11.


President Bush has previously stated that the surveillance was limited to terror suspects.

I guess that includes us!

The report revealed that the program primarily focused on millions and millions and millions of domestic phone calls.


At the sound of the tone, you will trust me. And I will keep you safe.

In a press conference yesterday, President Bush—pictured here going "Euuuuhhhhh!"—said that the government is "not mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans."

This is not a pipe.

Bush referred to the USA Today article as a leak of sensitive intelligence that hurts our ability to fight this enemy. This enemy, the guy, that woman. Huh?

I think you should be impeached, can I be your enemy too?

Trent Lott, whose ass is already so far up Shit Creek he can see the receding ice cap, said "What are people worried about? What is the problem? Are you doing something you're not supposed to?"

Right back at ya, T-dog, did you do something you're not supposed to?

And he's in the party that strongly believes that government should stay out of private life!

Arlen Specter kept it real, saying "we will be calling in AT&T, Verizon, and BellSouth, as well as others, to see some of the underlying facts."

That's how you be a Republican!

This comes one day after the government abruptly ended its inquiry into the warrantless eavesdropping program because the NSA refused to grant Justice Department lawyers security clearance.

In order to quell a potential Republican rallying cry, massive sissy Nancy Pelosi vowed not to impeach the president, even if the Democrats control Congress.

What a ridiculously fucknut thing to say!

(effeminate) Trust me, it's good for the party.

So even if he did something illegal, you won't impeach him.

Awesome, way to do your job!

(disgusted) Awwwuuuhaauuuuhhh.

This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

(cut to Bush smiling) Euuuuhhhhhhh!


Bonnet de douche in the song means Shower Cap.

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