the show: 05-17-06

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Good morning, Sports Racers, it's Wednesday, May 17. Knowledge says, "If the earth were a sandwich, we would all be one. Sandwich."

S-s-s-something from the comments!

Mo writes, "Sorta over the songs, Ze. Please move away from the anti-intellectual verbal diarrhea paired with tunes."

(shameful) Okay.

CNN reports that Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has rejected a possible European offer for incentives, including a light water nuclear reactor in return for giving up its uranium enrichment program. Ahmadinejad, seen here squeezing one out, said, quote, "Do you think you're dealing with a four-year-old child to whom you can give some walnuts and chocolates and get gold from him?"

This four-year-old child you speak of, with the gold? I would like to meet him.

(Ze growls through clenched teeth) Sports Racer, racin' sports! What is your power move?


Who's that baby?
Who's that baby tradin' walnuts for gold?
Who's that baby?
Who's that baby tradin' walnuts for gold?

(singing ends)


I told you the giant babies were rich!

More news about babies, more of the time.

In an effort to study the process by which children acquire language, Deb Roy at M.I.T.'s Media Lab devised a project where by a baby is to be monitored by a network of microphones and video cameras for 14 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Although the article doesn't state the baby's name, inside sources say it's called America.

BellSouth and AT&T were added to a class action lawsuit against Verizon that alleges that the companies illegally participated in the National Security Agency Domestic Surveillance Program. Yesterday, both BellSouth and Verizon denied that they gave out phone records or calling information to the NSA.

Say the opposite! Say the opposite!
Say the same thing! Say the same thing!

Verizon also said that it could not confirm or deny that it had a relationship with that NSA program.

That woman, the guy, this enemy, that NSA program.

Tony Snow, seen here just being friends with the invisible man, made his on-air debut as the new press secretary for the White House. When asked about reports that the government has collected records on millions of Americans' phone calls, Snow said, quote, "I don't want to hug the tarbaby trying to comment on the program, the alleged program, the existence of which I can neither confirm nor deny."

Tarbaby? Whoo! You got a long road ahead of you, bro.

During his immigration speech on Monday, President Bush said, quote, "America has the best technology in the world and we will ensure that the border patrol has the technology they need to do their job and secure our border." The plan includes employing motion sensors, infrared cameras, and unmanned aerial vehicles.

Meanwhile, yesterday, NASA reported that a robotic, unmanned aerial vehicle it had designed to rendezvous with an orbiting satellite instead crashed into it. The collision was blamed on, quote, "innacurate perception of its distance and speed."

Yeah, those sound like important things to keep track of.

What other technological advances do we have?

According to the New Scientist, the U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency has filed for a patent for a device that can fire people from the ground to the roofs of tall buildings. Closer inspection of the patent reveals that it's actually a way for a single man to whack off the giant cock of the military industrial complex.

Sports Racers, keep showing your support for "If the Earth were a Sandwich." This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

(Who's That Baby (Trading Walnuts For Gold?) played while Ze says, "What... what other technological advances is--" slowed down a lot)


During the end section of the episode, a reprise of Who's That Baby (Trading Walnuts For Gold?) plays over a pitch-shifted outtake. In the outtake, Ze is saying "What... what other technological advances is--" slowed down by several hundred percent. The actual line in the final episode is "What other technological advances do we have?"


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