the show: 05-23-06

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Good morning sports racers, it's Tuesday May 23rd, knowledge made you a little treat! Here's a hint, try clicking on the King!

(Singing) Who is the King of the Comments?

Each day this week, King of the Comments will work a little bit differently.

How long can you stay King?

S-s-s-something from the comments! "Anonymous girl" writes, "I find I need to buy the t-shirt to make any experience real. So, are you going to sell Sports Racer T-shirts or what?"

Anonymous, like you I don't feel like my experiences are legitimized unless it involves the use of a meaningless product. That's why I created the Placebo Camera. It doesn't actually take pictures, but when you look through that little viewfinder, you really feel like you were there.

Placebo Camera, patent pending 2006.

Next week knowledge launches t-shirts with your designs! Make sure you upload your favorite t-shirt designs to the gallery. Profits from all t-shirts will go to supporting... me. reports that NASA is seeking proposals for creating and managing innovative activities, events, and products.

Moon Sandwich?

According to NASA's project page, in exchange for a collaborator's investment, NASA will consider negotiating brand placement. (Photo of a space shuttle adorned with an "SR" logo.)

Something from mah email! Meaningless product edition. Laura writes, "Ze, I was watching older shows last night, and I came across the one where you're in France and your phone rings and it's the Sports Racer theme. Is there a way to get this?"

Great question, Laura! On Thursday, knowledge goes to a recording studio to record Sports Racer ringtones. If you have an idea for a Sports Racer ringtone, ringback, or answering message, leave it in the comments.

The New Scientist reports that according to a study done by the University of New Mexico, male sexual ornaments such as antlers or a peacock's feathery display become disproportionately larger as body size increases. (Photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger during his pumped-up bodybuilding years.)

(Suave voice) Christmas come early this year, babeh, wanna check out my ornaments?

(Photo of Studs Turkel with his hands spread.) Author Studs Terkel, seen here holding an invisible giant's ornaments, filed a lawsuit on Monday to stop AT&T for [sic?] giving customer records to the NSA without a court order.

Fat chance, Studs! In similar cases the White House has invoked the rarely-used states secret privilege.

Citing states secret privilege, a federal judge last week threw out the case of a German citizen who said that he was beaten, sodomized and repeatedly questioned by the CIA for five months because of mistaken identity.

Judge T.S. Ellis said, "Private interest must give way to the national interest in preserving state secrets, and the remedy cannot be found in the courts."

So... where is the remedy?

Hmmm. The press?

(Photo of Alberto Gonzales caught in mid-clap.) Yesterday Alberto Gonzales said that the government has the legal authority to prosecute journalists for publishing classified information.

Would that have included Watergate?

Aah, this whole freedom of the press thing wasn't really working out anyways.

(Zombie voice) Let me wipe the drool off your face as we hear about Britney's baby.

She is not good to her baby.

I would never let my baby fall.

Tony Blair, seen here wishing he had a moustache, flew to Iraq on Monday to show his support for the brand-new permanent government. Blair, seen here petting a dirty invisible tiger, said "This is a new beginning, and we want to see what you want to see: Iraq and Iraqis taking charge of their own destiny."

The definition of destiny is "an event or course of events that will inevitably happen in the future."

Blair would love it if destiny were something you could take charge of, because it's his destiny to get his ass kicked out of office. A little knowledge shoutout to the UK. (Ze shows a duckie emblazoned with the Union Jack.) Everything else is a single slice of bread on the ground; this is Ze Frank, thinking, so you don't have to.

(Photo of Alberto Gonzales caught in mid-clap.) All right, you got me, it's this big.


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