the show: 05-25-06

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Transcript

Hi New Viewer. Welcome to Virtual Interventions. Someone who cares about you has sent you this link because you are drinking too much/use drugs to avoid pain/talk like a baby when addressing animals/use idiot marketspeak like 'massclusive'/are bad at the sex/give shitty presents/order foreign food items using the pronunciation of their country of origin/use transparent techniques to try and hide the fact you're smelling your finger/laugh by yourself in order to get attention/are too touchy-feely/are physically distant/wear those rubber looking shoes with holes in them. But don't worry we like you, we'd just like a different you even more.

Are the new viewers gone yet?

GMSRs it's Thursday May 25th. Knowledge says if we can make it to fifty we can make it to a hundred; you and I just have to figure out how to make money.

Something from a neighbourhood. This sign maker must have run out of room, it should read "PLEASE CURB YOUR DOG'S ASSHOLE" because that's the only part of the dog that matters in this scenario.

Welcome to Web 0.2. Just like TV, but I'm not wearing pants.

The once scruffy Al Gore has offered to show his global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth to President Bush at the White House. When asked whether he would watch the documentary President Bush said "Doubt it!" I don't even wanna look at it. He's mean! The President went on to say "In my judgement we need to set aside whether or not greenhouse gases have been caused by mankind or because of natural effects and focus on the technologies that will enable us to live better lives and at the same time protect the environment." Mankind, nature, WMDs, not WMDs, whatever. What matters is that we're fucked now. Both President Bush and Al Gore are asking us to focus on the future. In fact there are no confirmed reports of deaths in the future while the past, especially the distant past, has proven to be deadly. Of particular concern is the fact that many politicians are living in the past, which, as we've seen, is quite dangerous.

On both sides of the aisle, the House of Representatives is all in a tizzy over the recent FBI raid of Representative William Jefferson's office. The uproar isn't so much about whether or not Jefferson is guilty as shit as it is about the separation of powers. The separation of powers is what made The Wonder Twins so awesome. Jayna was smokin'. Form of One Night Stand. In order to ensure the independence of the legislative branch the Speech and Debate clause in the constitution protects members of legislature from certain forms of legal investigations. The fear is that the executive branch could use investigative arms like the FBI to squash opposition in the Congress. On the other hand Congress had to shut down its recent investigation of the executive branch NSA wiretapping scandal because of a refusal to co-operate. I say raid those bastards. After years of takin' it, Congress is standing up to the expansion of Executive powers. After all separation of powers is what differentiated the Wonder Twins from a couple of wusses in tights, and it's what differentiates us from a dictatorship.

zzzt. Hi, I'm Ze, here's something I like that's gay. The Wonder Twins!

After an ironic visit to Iraq to support government unity, UK Prime Minister Tony Blair flies to Washington on Thursday for talks with U.S. President George Bush. The hope is that when the two deciders come together their combined approval ratings will be above fifty percent. That's half full fool.

Hey, Happy Fifty. This is Ze Frank thinking so you don't have to.

Knowledge would like to thank The Morning News for its inclusion in the 2006 Editors' Award for Online Awesomeness, Excellence. Awards for 2006? It's May!


References

Bush Snubs Gore's Global Warming Film

Lawmakers demand FBI return raid files

The Morning News: 2006 Editors’ Awards for Online Excellence

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