the show: 05-31-06
(wears cowboy hat during team meeting) Alright, brainstorm, no talking. Anyone? Ethel, always first. (gets note) This just says enn ee, ah: you ran out of room and the rest is written on the couch, double u ess: news, you wanna talk about the news, 'kay. Better than last time. Anyone else, Bobo twins! Contributing, (gets note) aha, it's crumpled: "Ze is a dick, Jayjay wrote this" with the words Bobo twins crossed off above it.
- We try to brainstorm interesting news items, and then look them up online after, to see if they're true. It's ah, quicker.
Alright, Condalosah wants to do something on animals, so rapid brainstorm just hold up your signs, no talking. Shakina, rabbits, good! Bobo twins, penis, 'kay. Anyone else? 'Kay, rabbits and penis, look it up.
According to the New Scientist researchers at Wake Forest Institute have developed an artificial penis that allowed rabbits with damaged penises to successfully mate.
- Thank God, rabbits need all the help fucking they can get.
Ffff didn't mean to drop the f-bomb, I meant when two rabbits come together 'cause they love each other.
- And fuck.
Why are you swearing so much, that leads to other kinds of moral decline, like masturbation.
That's disgusting if god wanted you to have sex with your hand he would have given your hand a vagina.
- (indignant) Vagina's a swear word!
No it isn't. You can say vagina anywhere to anyone.
- (sulks) It sounds like a swear word. Vagina.
I'm not a vagina.
- (gleeful) You're like "look at me I'm a vagina!"
(insulted) I'm not a fucking va- (double take)
If there are children watching this swearing is bad, except when you're angry or if your sex life needs spicing up. The word vagina is a beautiful word, like all words that have v's and g's in them, like gavel, or evangelical. I love vaginas, and evangelicals. I fucking hate gavels though.
(preacher man) And let us not forget that on the thirtieth of May, Tony Snow did sacrifice himself at the briefing of the press. In a dark grey suit and a matching tie, Tony Snow did grasp both sides of the podium as if it were the public itself, bent over to receive his message. And as this man-servant stood exposed save for a gorgeous head of hair questions did begin to rain down upon him. Questions about the massacre in Haditha, questions about the resignation of John Snow, but he did brush them off and there was laughter, and mirth in the room. But just then there was a quiet voice, so quiet it betrayed the meanness of spirit behind it and this voice did arise from Helen Thomas whose jowls and probably breasts have begun their slow descent towards hell. Hearing this voice Tony Snow's buttcheeks did clench upon his Calvin Klein boxer briefs giving him both support and comfort. "Hwhy?" Helen asked, "hwhy do you continue to link the events of nine eleven with the war in Iraq?" And the room fell quiet and Tony Snow paused for what seemed to be an eternity, and he stepped back mustering up the strength of a man who could lose his job and said: "Are we just going to hopscotch across these?" And I ask you the same thing: "Are we... just going to hopscotch... across these?"
Good morning Sports Racers it's Wednesday May thirty-first, this is Ze Frank thinking so you don't have to.
Inspiration for this contribution to Fab Friday 2.