the show: 06-07-06

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Transcript

Good morning Sports Racers it's wednesday June seventh knowledge says it's "Shudder briefly when you suddenly remember an embarrassing moment from your past before your rational mind shoves it back into your subconscious"-day. (shudder)

(singing, sped up) Thank God for avoidance, it's built in, evolutionarily it helps us win!

S-s-s-something from the comments.

Markus writes: "Wow, I'd love to buy one of your shirts but they are way too expensive." Markus the shirts aren't too expensive you just don't have any money. I bet you're working really hard but are earning little or nothing for your efforts. Hey I know if you don't have any money you should try selling shirts! Shirts are so easy to make and you'll earn a fortune! But I did notice you're from Germany which I think is a third world country. And I don't wanna help that's why you'll find the "Buy the german kid a shirt" Paypal link on the left hand side of this page.

(sepiatone, with guitar) Many people don't realize that Germans lose nearly a gallon of spittle in every hour of conversation. And this in a country that's forbidden drinking water.

Sie müssen helfen!

I've also released two new super cheap shirts. They might not have anything on them but they'll give you plenty to talk about. I've also released a super awesome limited edition t-shirt for only ten thousand dollars. Wow, look at all the logos. You can even change the color of the words when you click on it. Markus if I sell that shirt I'll be able to afford your shirts so you can buy my shirts.

(echo effect) Hi I'm Ze! Here's something I like that's gay!

Milk in a juice box!

(Ze sucks on straw, dog barks, slapstick ensues)

Ohhh, it tinkled on me.

Solamente gags.

As you know Sports Racers this friday is Fabuloso Friday. That's where you write the show for me. Finally instead of just leaving comments you can write the perfect show which according to the current script means that I'm gonna call myself a douchebag five times. Awesome. It's just like jeffersonian democracy, but without Jefferson. Anyone can contribute, it's a wiki. Ever wonder why Wikipedia is a hundred and fifty times more accurate than pointing to random words in "Tuesday's with Morrie"? Click on the Friday Fabuloso link to experience wiki power and to understand why we still have the electoral college.

Major wuss Arlen Specter's reneging on his vow to call major tel-coms to testify before the senate judiciary committee on the NSA wiretapping scandal. Specter said that he was prepared to defer the investigation on a temporary basis, largely because co-president Dick Cheney had provided assurances that the White House would be more receptive to pending legislation.

Way to do your job! At least that lets the president focus on crucial issues.

In recent weeks president Bush has been gently but repetitively prodding congress to open up the debate on a constitutional same sex marriage ban. Proponents of the ban such as bishop Harry Jackson gathered outside the Capitol to shout quote "the gays are aggressive, gays have called war, gays are attacking traditional marriage". The Washington Post reports that senator Rodriguez of Utah has held up a sign saying "stop same sex marriage, it endorses masturbation". On monday so not gay White House press secretary Tony Snow likened the amendment to efforts to enact civil rights laws. Sometime not giving people rights is just as important as giving people rights. Plus America's just gotten so gay. I mean Florida looks like a gay penis. And those little islands look like ... little islands next to a gay penis. We should shape Florida into a skull. That's so not gay. We should focus on this for a while, once we're less gay we can get back to the other problems.

This is Ze Frank thinking so you don't have to.

(four different takes of juice box slapstick, with guitar)

References

Markus' comment: 06 Jun 4:59p

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