the show: 06-21-06
Good morning Sports Racers it's wednesday June twenty first wipe down the seat after you sprinkle 'cause knowledge got some mail!
It's like a paper version of an email except you can't change the font!
- Awesome who's it from?
- Cool that must be that six hundred dollar cheque they promised you after they cancelled your flight and made you stay overnight in a hotel room in Barcelona with a random stranger.
Yeah! No, it's a letter informing me that they're not gonna pay up.
- Wow, so they blatantly lied to everyone to give you momentary satisfaction and to avoid immediate conflict?
Yeah! Remember? Delta's motto is "Go fuck yourself".
Nah, I'm just reading into it.
Mindless Delta drone number two thousand and five Susan, pictured here - oops that's a picture of dried dog crap - anyway the drone writes: "we realize that your time is valuable whether your travel is for business or for pleasure."
- No, I don't think you do!
Delta representative Susan who may or may not wear adult diapers on the outside of her pants (reenactment for speculative illustration only) continues by saying: "We're making a concerted effort to address issues which contribute to cancellations in order to improve our on-time performance. Unfortunately some factors that affect on-time performance are outside of our control."
- What, you mean like when your plane broke and you couldn't fix it?
"Under certain circumstances passengers affected by a cancellation may qualify for reimbursement or compensation. Detailed information about Delta's obligations in this regard is available on our website."
- Oh OK cool I'll go to the website and see what it says. Hey look at that, the page doesn't even exist. At least you're apologizing for that, too.
Susan pictured here trying to work a juice box:
- What's this little hole for?
Wait why are you taking it out on her? She's just doing her job.
- Oh, right. Maybe I should send a note to their complaints department.
No, that just means interfacing with a group of employees that have been psychologically trained to placate you while minimizing the cost to their company.
- Oh. Maybe I could fart in the seats while pretending to adjust that little air nipple.
- Or fill out all the cross word puzzles and sudukos in the in flight magazine with letters that form "Screw you Delta".
- Or sprinkle all over their toilet seats.
No, that just screws low paid employees and besides, then you'd be acting like a terrorist.
- A terrorist?!
Yeah, terrorists are desperate assholes who see no institutionalized recourse to address their grievances so they resort to random acts of violence in order to instill fear into the general population.
- That's messed up, I don't wanna be a part of that, so what do I do?
Hmmm. Bend over and take it.
This is Ze Frank, no longer able to afford that signed photograph of Michael Flatley so you don't have to.
Remember this friday features a minute of the Fabulosos writing. Git 'r done.
(D-d-d-diapers in the neighborhood)
Old Woman: What are you doing?
Ze: I'm shooting myself with an adult diaper.
Old Woman: That's funny, you know?
Old Woman: Why would you do that?
Link to Chelsea: watch here
Running time: 46s
riot siren wrote: "I'm concerned that the words "Ze" and "sold out" may soon come together..."
- That's weird, because we're concerned that the words riot and siren already did.
stack said: "The only thing that's gone downhill is the comments section."
- stack ummm, excellent point. That's a great comment.
bekee said: "i'm scared. we're losing ze."
- bekee. What the fuck are you talking about. Do you know how crazy that is? No?
The Detailed information That Wasn't On The Website
riot siren's comment: 19 Jun 1:17p
stack's comment (actually reads 'thread', not section): 19 Jun 2:33p
bekee's comment: 19 Jun 1:30p
First appearance of the juice box was 06-07-06.