the show: 06-26-06

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Transcript

Good morning Sports Racers it's Monday June twenty-sixth I missed you this weekend pluck a nose hair to try to stay awake 'cause knowledge has the Monday gloomies. Blaah blaah. It's like the whole week has to happen before I get to miss you again. I bet I even get a paper cut today. I bet my toilet gets clogged and I step in poop water. And I run out a toilet paper and I have to use my sock. And something unexpected'll happen and I'll realize I've been worrying about the wrong thing. Maybe I should just worry about everything. I don't even like duckies today. Little yellow assholes. Sorry.

Hey there! Did you have a good weekend?

(fart noise) Stick a candle up your butt and I'll drop a match down your big-ass mouth to light it. (grin) That makes me feel better.

You're ready for the week?

Sure. You're ready for old age? Hihi hi.

I'm getting some coffee, how do you take it?

Milk, sugar and poured all over your nuts. Hihi hihi. Ahhh, make it stop.

CNN reports that Warren Buffett (seen here waving a fart at Bill Gates) will give away what the young kids refer to as a shitload of money this July. Mister Buffett (seen here saying "I didn't do it") will give nearly thirty billion dollars to other rich person Bill Gates's foundation. Mister Gates (seen here breathing it in) will be the most well-funded individual charged with making the world a better place, something that governments have apparently failed to do.

The New York Times reports that the government is messin' with peoples' biznazz. The pinko Commie liberal press reports that the Treasury Department has obtained data without court-approved warrants from an international co-operative that transmits information between financial institutions worldwide.

Oh crap! I better stop writing hookers and drugs in my cheque memo.

The Wall Street Journal (also press and by default pinko liberal hippies) said that the program may be controversial in other parts of the world which have long worried about the privacy of transactions.

Ya think? Those foreigners are hiding something. We're the only ones who're allowed to hide things.

John Snow (pictured here wishing he had boobies) said that the program was consistent with our democratic values. Snow also stressed the Treasury Department's transparency regarding the program, noting "we've never denied it."

The Treasury Department has also never denied an annual dog-ball licking contest. Nor has it denied that their employees are forced to walk around naked with Mickey Mouse towels wrapped around their necks like capes.

Not denying something is the same thing as being transparent. I'm not denying anything that may or may not be going on underneath where this camera is pointing.

Senior Treasury official Stuart Levi (who hasn't denied that his zipper was undone in this photograph) said that the program does not contain information on daily transactions conducted by US citizens.

Levi didn't deny that he might be lying in order to protect the confidentiality of the program.

This is Ze Frank thinking so you don't have to.

Hey Fabulosos, pawn to C4. You figured out the stakes yet?

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