the show: 06-27-06

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Transcript

Ha, you have 51 friends Ze Frank (ring) Hi new viewer, welcome to conversing with telemarketers. If a telemarketer calls, use one of the following tactics:

One...one. Use a husky. One, use a husky dirty phone sex voice but ask...One, use hu. One, use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.

(in husky, dirty phone sex voice) Mmm, how low is that interest rate? Really low?

Two, in an excited voice, say thank god you called, explain that your online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.

Three, say you're hard of hearing and see how loud you can get them to shout into the phone.

Four, pee on the phone while they're talking.

Five, after a sentence, say, "I knew you were going to say that." Repeat after each sentence.

Six, forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.

(whispering, top half of head showing) Are the new viewers gone yet?

Good morning Sports Racers it's Tuesday June twenty-seventh don't volunteer to smell what you can't see knowledge found some lint in a belly-button. (sucks air) I don' min' my own nasty!

S-s-s-something from the Comments:

Hartless writes, "My thoughts: 1. Regardless of race, there should be a literacy test to vote, but that would eliminate many Dems as proven in Florida. 2. I heard that terrorist they caught in Miami was found thru AT&T records."

First off, Hartless, thanks for numbering your sentences, it's clear to me that you're very skilled at counting. Secondly, (chuckles) I can do it too, it's sounds like you've been thinking. Good job! (raises eyebrow) In response to number one: contrary to popular belief, illiterate people can still use words to convey and understand ideas. They can use their mouths to discuss things like politics. For example, whether or not to vote for a politician who makes American education and literacy a top priority. Or alternatively, whether or not to vote for a candidate who wants to use literacy tests as a means to disenfranchise his opponent's constituency. Personally I think that candidates who run for office should pass a public speaking test.

Yes no I this is.

And they better know how to count.

Although you didn't say it, I assume what you mean is that, if the warrantless wiretapping program catches even one bad person, it validates its existence.

The question isn't whether this program would be effective at catching bad people:

If we had mandatory anal cavity searches for every person that enters the United States, we'd find a lot more cocaine.

The question is whether these kinds of programs upset the balance between government and personal liberty and therefore can lead to an abuse of power. Given this sort of authority, the government decides who is and who isn't a bad person. People who openly dissent against the government's further attempts to encroach on personal liberties could also be called bad people. Governments are made out of people with strong ideas. Some of those people feel that if people of opposing ideas came to power, it would threaten the integrity of the United States. One abstract worry is that if people in power are left unchecked, they could use programs like the AT&T wireless [sic: wiretap] programs to perpetuate their own rule. Court approval in these cases is supposed to provide the check to that unchecked power. In a free society, you can assume that at some point someone you don't agree with is gonna rise to power. When thinking about these kinds of programs, try to imagine how that person would use them.

When speaking about factions and their tendency to abuse power, James Madison, currently dead, said, "Liberty is to faction, what air is to fire, an ailment without which it instantly expires. But it could not be less folly to abolish liberty, which is essential to political life, because it nourishes faction, than it would be to wish annihilation of air, which is essential to animal life, because it imparts to fire its destructive agency."

Oh, and personally? I'd rather not live in a country where somebody can stick their finger up my ass in an airport.

This is Ze Frank counting so you don't have to.

(smarmy evil genius) Oh Fabulosos, you amuse me with your pretention, your pawn is but a suckling piglet on the teat of failure. N to C3.

References

Original material source for when you're contacted by a telemarketer. CipherSwarm

Comment by HARTLESS: 23 Jun 11:52p

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