the show: 07-06-06

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Transcript

Hi new viewer, I know what you're wondering: "how does he keep his nostrils so clean?"

I use a simple and nearly invisible technique. Sniff, hook, rub, power. Again: sniff, hook, rub, power.

(Whispers): Are they gone yet?

Good morning Sports Racers it's Thursday July 6th, Knowledge worked on his entry for the I-Knows-Me-Some-Ugly-Myspace Contest how 'bout you?

Oh my God, make it stop!

S-s-s-something from the comments: Wendy writes "hey Ze, are you suffering from a ZIT?"

...You can see me? I thought this was just a funny shaped microphone. *Grins nervously*

Babies never get pimples. Assholes.

Anyways it's not a zit, I got into a fight.

If you think this is bad you should see HER.

She was just old but now she's old and FUCKED UP.

I could put makeup on it but that's like putting a napkin over your erection.

You don't really get credit for it ... I don't ... have an erection right now.

(laughs nervously): I've never had an erection

(Sickly face): This isn't going well

I *have* had an erection but not now. I took care of it... That doesn't sound good either

If you have one you just have to leave it alone. Playing with it just makes it worse. I hate it when I get a BIG one like on a day where I have a job interview? You wanna look your best and it just screws everything up.

(Decisive): Ok, we're done

(Laughing): People -huh- People told me some creams work but that just made it worse.

(Serious): No, stop it!

(Real Ze again): Someone even suggested that I put toothpaste on it. (Stop it!!) But that just dries it up.

(Laughs): Tingly.

(Serious): This is your idea of a show? Comparing zits to erections?

(Sulky): Yeah...

(Serious): That's stupid. Let's see what Science is up to.

According to the New Scientist, new research in rats suggesteses that using marijuana reduces future sensitivity to opiates, which makes people more vulnerable to heroin addiction later in life.

Oh. Shit.

Lead by Jasmine Herd of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, the study was done on rats and was "aimed to mirror human use as closely as possible.

(Cut to mouse with sunglasses):6 teenage rats were given small doses of THC every 3 days for 2 weeks.

(Cut to Keith Richards with sunglasses and a hat): Then catheters were inserted into all of the rats so they were able to self-administer heroin by pushing a lever.

(Cut to Ze): Yeah, yeah that's pretty close to human use. Man, I miss being a teenager.

Remember when Johnny put the catheter in wrong and we just kept hitting that lever? Man, there was enough brown sugar in that kid's ass to keep Rush Limbaugh high for a week.

Good times.

Kids, don't do drugs!

Also in the New Scientist, the headline reads "Crack found in foam on shuttle fuel tank.

(Shrugs his face): Hypocrites.

(Cut to Kim Jong Il): North Korea and its Elvis look-alike leader, Kim Jong Il, test-fired 7 missles over the Sea of Japan on Wednesday.

The missles fired include the Scud, the Nodong which Kim Jong Il apparently controls by hand.

(Back to Ze): Hee Hee! Nodong!

And the Taepodong, which is believed to be capable of reaching the US.

Although succeeding in raising a ruckus, by most accounts the tests were a failure. On Wednesday, President Bush pointed out that Kim Jong Il's Taepodong "didn't stay up very long..."

(Ze giggling and bouncing like a little girl)

"and tumbled into the sea. Some Taepodongs are known to be less effective in cold water."

(Black screen): This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

(Back to Ze): Oh, Fabulosos! You...there's something on your face. (laughs) It makes you look so stupid. (laughs and tries to wipe off whats on our face) Oh, it doesn't come off...sorry... I castle...and sorry about your face.

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