the show: 07-12-06

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Good morning Sports Racers. It's Wednesday, July 12th. Shadow of a pee-pee.

Today is tell someone they're getting fat in the comments day. Oh, wait that was yesterday.


[Singing]: It's a shadow of a pee-pee.

I'm not getting fat. I just want a man boob. Just one though. It likes oatmeal cookie ice cream.

According to the Associated Press and The New Scientist, a recent study has proven that magic mushrooms really cause spiritual experiences.

Oh. that's what was happening to my college roommate when I found him naked, listening to salsa saying he was organizing a knitting parade. It was spiritual. Thank you science!

Science: always probing, learning, discovering.

Pssst. I think the young kids call it a "trip."

Roland Griffiths of John Hopkins University, seen here watching a patient try to hump a doorknob, conducted the study in which 36 volunteers where either given a high dosage of psilocybin, the hallucinogen derived from the Liberty Cap Mushroom (which incidentally grows on shit), or given a high dosage of ritalin.

Those ladies in the diaper smelling study could have had the best of both worlds.

The study partially funded by the federal government found that 60% of the volunteers had a, "complete mystical experience" after taking psilocybin. 1/3 of the volunteers said that their encounter was the single most spiritually significant experience in their lifetimes. 20%, however, described their experence as being dominated by negative feelings such as anxiety. Not mentioned in the study was whether this had to do with the fact that they were blindfolded and forced to listen to classical music, which would scare the shit out of me. When asked to describe their experience Griffiths said that the respondents replied they "couldn't possibly put it into words." So two months later he asked them to fill out a questionnaire.

I couldn't possibly describe it.

Ok cool, now describe it.

Two months later most of the volunteers described themselves as more compassionate, loving, optimistic, and patient. Griffiths warns however that you should absolutely not try this at home.

Duh. That's where your parents are.

Researchers suggest that the drug may ultimately help anxiety in terminally ill patients. The normal brain gets a variety of signals from our sensory organs. Information from places like our eyes and ears are encoded into electrical impulses that travel through our neurons. Neurons pass these signals to other neurons using chemicals called neurotransmitters. Billions of neurons in our brain use this to process the raw data into symbolic structures. For example chairs come in many different shapes, sizes, and colors. The information our brain gets from viewing a chair from straight on is very different than the raw data that we get from that same chair rotated 90°. But the complex symbolic structure of our brains still allows us to recognize it as a chair. This reduction of information in the symbolic structures allows us to navigate and feel comfortable in an incredibly complex world. Taking hallucinogens causes neurons to release neurotransmitters in different quantities and frequencies. Part of the brain that might not have ever talked to each other before start talking to each other. Like the naked part, the salsa part, the knitting part, and the parade part. Because of the brain's desire to create symbolic structures temporary ones are made even if they don't make sense. We feel like we're recognizing patterns even where there are none. In this way many different parts of the world can suddenly feel connected. This confusing and temporary connectedness can be called spirituallity. People can achieve similar results by constantly challenging our brains to fault symbolic architectures.

Here's a table to pet your odd shaped duck after it makes a poop.

This is Ze Frank trippin' out so you don't have to.

Hurry, only two days left to enter in the I knows me some ugly myspace contest. Here's some variations on the ugly duckling you can put on your page. You can find the link on the side bar.

Hey Fabulosos, knight to E5.

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