the show: 07-24-06

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Good morning, Sports Racers, it's Monday, July 24th. Knowledge says it's Back Your Lover Into A Corner With Impossible Questions Day!

Honey, if you met somebody that looked exactly like me and acted exactly like me, would you fall in love with them?

Why not? It would be me!

Oh, so you'd cheat on me.

Do you think there's just, like, one person in the whole world that's just, like, statistically perfect for you? And, if so, stated as a percentage, what am I in relation to that person?

Because, sometimes, having a fight is the only way you know that that special someone cares.

Hey, Sports Racers, a quick message: if you use cell phones, get a headset. Cell phone makers include pamphlets with their phones that have little tiny words that say things like "The available scientific evidence does not show that any health problems are associated with using wireless phones" while noting that "There is no proof, however, that wireless phones are absolutely safe."

In other words, they don't know much but enough to know from a legal standpoint, it's worth talking about.

The fine print goes on to say that if you're worried about radio frequency energy, not that you should be but maybe you should be, there are several simple steps you can take to minimize your exposure: 1) Reduce your talk time and 2) get the phone the hell away from your body.

To me, that sounds like someone who's trying to cover their ass in case the shit hits the fan...(Blink)

(Realizing what he just said) I guess in that scenario I wouldn't worry about covering my ass...

But, anyways

Butanyways.

But. Anyways.

In the meantime, I'd rather be sure that you and I are safe. Even if it means we all look like dicks.

Dirty, dirty science news!

Researchers at the University of Twente in The Netherlands have built a device that propels itself by alternatingly sucking and blowing and could one day carry drugs to hard-to-reach parts of the body.

(Contemplative Ze): What would you name something that gets around by sucking and blowing and delivers drugs...?

The team named the device the RoboScallop. The hope is that one day these miniature scallop hookers could, for example, swim to a blood clot before delivering an anti-clotting drug.

The New York Times reports that NASA recently altered its mission statement to more closely align itself to President Bush's goals. The phrase "To understand and protect our home planet ..." was removed.

The fine print is changing!

If you're concerned about the sun's radiation and its effect on this planet, not that you should be but maybe you should be, here are some simple steps you can take: Put as much distance between yourself and the planet as possible.

A NASA spokesman said that the phrase was deleted to put more emphasis on President Bush's goals of pursuing human space flight to the moon and Mars.

Daddy, are we shopping for a new house?

Meanwhile, the New Scientist reports that really rich people are paying as much as $35 million to practice ditching our asses in case this global warming thing turns out to be real.

If they can afford to do that, you can afford to buy a headset. Do it for me.

This is Ze Frank, trying to quit smoking again so you don't have to.

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