the show: 08-07-06

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Transcript

[A Sugartits jingle video opens the show]
Oh, wow! Sugartits!
Breakfast time is always fun
With your favorite cereal, it's number one!
Fortified with eight essential nutrients and vitamins. . .
Sugartits!

Wow! That's pretty close to how I remember the Sugartits jingle going, but the box design just doesn't look right. If we're going to have a page dedicated to the memory of Sugartits cereal, we have to remember exactly what that box looked like. If you remember, upload the box design to the gallery.

1099 Party

Hi, Sports Racers, it's Monday August 7th! Today is the 99th episode of the show! That's when people who count in base 99 call this the one-zeroth show! Those guys must be freaking out, we should have a party!

If you're going to volunteer to bring something, don't be the dude who always volunteers to bring the plastic forks. Nobody likes that dude. No, paper plates ain't cool either. (Blows Raspberry) Those kids were leeching off the system. Plates and cutlery are part of the infrastructure, the school should provide that.

(Mockingly, As Kid) 'My Mom can't afford making brownies'

So bring Bazooka Bubble Gum, that don't break the bank. Five cents apiece, thirty kids in class: dollar fiddy.

-Plus that Bazooka Joe..(hhheh)..he's always up to somethin'-

And if your parents got the dough, show it off!

- Put the little M&M's in the cookies...
- Bring a bunch of full-size Mars bars
- And if you bring fruit, I'm gonna kick your ass

And don't let the teachers get all communist on ya:

(Nasally, As Teacher) 'Class, everybody should share, it should all be equal.'

Bitch, how much do you get paid? Let's start there. Your parents paid taxes on those ho-ho's! If you want to give two to Brett Lamont 'cause he picks you first in dodgeball, you go right ahead. And screw that kid with an accent, he cheats at pencil-break- always using that round pencil- everybody knows a round pencil has more tensile strength! Shit, if there's thirty kids in class I'd bring twenty-nine boxes of raisinettes: that way I can exercise my personal ideologies.

S-s-s-something from the Comments

(Sings) S- S- S- Somethin from the comm-ents

First Comment: Unappropritly

CorporateCheap writes: 'ze how would you feel if i touched you...unappropritly...?'

'Unappropritly'? I don't know what that word means! But before I decide whether it's cool for you to touch me, I wanna know a little bit more about you. Luckily, you have a link to your myspace page.

The fact that your profile is private makes me think you're a man of intrigue... It says here your name's Darth_Revan_, not CorporateCheap. The more layers I peel from this onion, the more interested I become... 'Dude, I'm way to baked to drive to the devil's house.' Question mark. It says here you're seventeen and lists your address as Sith Imperial City, Sith Training Grounds, Tunisia; and it's pretty clear you're serious.

'Unappropritly' must be a code word for your secret sith training!

When you said touch me I thought it was kinda creepy but now I understand it's about battle techniques

I could totally come over to your house in... Tunisia (winks) and be like:

'Sith Overlord, can I have some of your mom's cookies?'
'Sith Overlord, there is no more toilet paper in your bathroom; what is protocol?'

...And we could totally rearrange all the pillows in your living room... Parents are so lame!

Personally, when I want to touch unappropritly, I hang out at 501.com. There's tons of people who live in Tunisia there. I don't even think you need to be secretive anymore- it looks like the rebellion's already started.

Second Comment: The Democratic Party Line

HardCharged wrote: '[Friday's] show pretty much walked the Democratic party line'.

The Democrats have a party line? When the fuck did that happen?!

You must mean the show where I talked about the senate finding out that there was so much tax evasion by the super-rich that they weren't able to handle it anymore... While at the same time the government is cutting their auditing staff. Now I know the government's doing just fine with cash. And I also know that out tax structure is pretty screwed up. But regardless of how you wish taxes operated, a law's a law. And even while you're working on changing a law you should enforce the ones that are in place.

This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.

(Muttering) saying he's thinking all for... I don't nobody think for me... thats why I dont have to, I dont have to do anything... thinking if I want to... he's... not even thinking

References

Ze references 501st.com, a Star-Wars oriented costuming site.

Comments

Erik Rasmussen - a.k.a Rasman - made it to King of the Comments at the time of this edit. He parodies "the Show by Ze Frank" on his site here.

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