the show: 08-09-06

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(Languid) Hi, new viewer, welcome to 'I Don't Know You'- the exciting video blog about people I don't know. You may have been sent here by someone you: like; kind of like; or don't like, because I don't know you. If you wish to be a subject for a future show, please leave so that I will continue not to know you.

Today's show is on strangers. Look, more people I don't know. Strangers are people you don't know anything about and therefore don't know who's better than whom. Is she better than me? I don't know. To meet strangers, people go to bars. At bars, people try to find other -er words that they have in common:

'Oh! You're a writer! And a runner! So am I.'

Once you've found an -er word that you have in common, you have the basis for judging who's better than whom:

'How far do you run? Have you been published?'

This establishes the jealousy or pity that will be the basis of your future friendship.

(Whispering) Are the new viewers gone yet?

Good questions-

(Quick, High-pitched) papapapa

Good morning Sports Racers it's Wednesday August 9th it's 'Respond to Questions About Your Personal Life in an Unusually High-Pitched Voice Day!'

(High-pitched)...Yeah! (Cut Back) ...Yeah! She's fine!

(High-pitched)...Wellll, like any other rash!

According to CNN, Paris Hilton, the heiress to the giant sperm-repository chain of Hilton hotels, has announced that she will become celibate for an entire year.

(As Reporter) 'Political protest?'

(As Hilton) 'I don't know I was just inspired by that Chinese guy, Garry- no, Gandhi- that gave something up... when the world was... messed up'

Hilton's announcement was followed by a rash... of obvious jokes; followed by a plunge in stock prices of the producers of mini DV tapes; followed by people everywhere saying 'hh..Yeah! I was doing it on purpose too!'

C'mon Sports Racers, whatchu got?

What'd you do on your summer vacation?

Referring to the president's current vacation, Tony Snow said yesterday: 'I believe they're working on a dock today, there will also be other adventures in the afternoon.'

-'Hey! Is that a snake?! Let's poke it!'-

This was followed by:

Question: 'They're working on a dock?'
Mr. Snow: 'They're working on a dock.'
Q: 'They have a lake?'
S: 'I believe there is no waterway directly to the ocean, so I think a lake or pond would be a more likely option.'

-Damn! is he good at his job-

Asked about the recent closure of a major Alaskan oil pipe line and its impending effect on gas prices, Tony Snow said: 'Well, any time you have a price increase, you want to address the root cause.'

According to the New Scientist, bacteria, not the forces of the free market, are the primary suspects for the root cause. Apparently, bacteria was responsible for the corrosion.

Pointing to the fact that bacteria started it, the Bush administration has vowed to do battle with bacteria until it's unable to cause any more damage. The administration has forewarned that civilian deaths may arise due to the fact that bacteria appear to use humans as human shields.

(Jet Noise Throughout) This is Ze Frank, thinking so you don't have to.


OMG! No ZeFrank for 08-10-06 (yet). "sorry, drive crash, still rebuilding... " ?!


Whats with the airplane noise near the end? that scared the CRAP out of me! corkysm79.gif

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