the show: 08-22-06

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Good afternoon Sports Racers, it's Tuesday, August 22nd.

I'm a bit rushed today because this evening I'm flying to Los Angeles. And although I'm not afraid of terrorists screwing with the plane, I'm afraid of dehydrating.

[Bitter] You can't bring fluids but you can bring your exploding Dell laptop.

So I'm going to drink a whole bunch of water beforehand. But I don't think I'm the only person with that idea. So there's going to be a mad rush to the bathroom and everyone's gonna piddle on the floor. And nobody just pees in those things, they always got to take a second to look in the mirror of doom.

[Playing with his face, up close and personal] I had no idea I had this many blackheads.

And everybody comes out looking like they have measles.
And then I go in and my socks get all wet.
And there's that little sign that says "Wipe up after yourself." But that isn't my job!
And I wonder what would happen if I took an empty Gatorade bottle onto the plane, but then left... with it full.

[Arrogant] I need the wide mouth. Oh Yeah!

And you know how it says you're not supposed to tamper with the mathrooms - bathrooms - I've always wonder what would happen if you went in and decorated it. Like if you put little curtains up and fuzzy toilet seat covers.

[Acting like a pilot] "Ladies and gentlemen, we're not leaving the plane until somebody claims their fancy soap."

And a Luffa! That would be pretty cool.

Known as the Nobel Prize of Mathematics, the prestigious [Wikipedia:Fields Medal|Fields Medal] was awarded today to four people under the age of 40 that you wouldn't want to get trapped on an elevator with. Of the four, Grigori Perelman, an eccentric Russian mathematician, caused the greatest stir when he turned down the medal. Perelman became famous for his work on the Poincaré conjecture. The conjecture relates to the question of whether it's possible to deform a whole donut into a sphere, by bending and stretching it, without cutting or tearing it. After designing a proof that said that this was impossible, Perelman resigned from his post, went underground and said that he was disillusioned with mathematics.

I wonder why?
[Holds up a glazed donut and easily squishes it into a sphere.]
[Takes a bite of the squished donut.] Mmm, spherical goodness.

Goin' underground's pretty cool. But if I was him, I would have at least gone to the event.

[Poking fun] "I officially reject this award. And to whoever that dickhead was that kept putting munchkins on my desk each day: 'Screw you!'."

According to the New Scientist, the debate rages on about the planetary status of Pluto. The debate hinges on the very definition of the word 'planet' and its outcome could include the de-planetization of Pluto or the dramatic increase of the number of planets that we have in our solar system.
One definition that threatens Pluto would require a planet to be "by far the largest body in its local population."
According to that definition, we would lose Pluto, which is similar in size to many other objects in the region. However, the definition would result in a net gain of planet Limbaugh and planet Lou-Dobbs-Earlobe.

I'll see you in Hollywood. This is Ze Frank: Thinking so you don't have to.


Stephen Colbert, in the August 22nd broadcast of The Colbert Report, used the above joke referring to Grigori Perelman without permission or acknowledgement of ze frank's authorship. You can see ze frank's response in his August 23rd broadcast of the show.

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