the show: 09-22-06

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Transcript

(A group of three women, in unison): Good morning Sports Racers!

(Third woman, out of sync): Sports Racers!

(First woman): The little man gave us an ultimatum. (New Viewer note: a reference to Tuesday's show, in which Ze cheered up the anxious little man in a Walk sign.)

(First woman attempts to high-five the blinking red hand of the Don't Walk sign.)


(Goose's extended remix of Ray's "Whip Somebody's Ass" song plays): Hi, my name is Ray and on yesterday my daughter called me...

(Ze, singing just like the remix): Hi, my name is Ray and on yesterday my daughter called me!

Sports Racer Goose did it again! He made a five-minute extended remix of "Whip Somebody's Ass"!

Look in the sidebar! (Or just use this link to the MP3.) It's awesome!

But serious, who is Ray, and where is he? We need to give him a present!

We must find him.

In the meantime, Fabulosos, (New Viewer note: see The_Fabulosos) it's time to fire up the Wiki again and help make the music video for Goose's extended remix!

Some say it cannot be done! My cat Annie has a message for those people. (Annie the cat is shown, one leg aloft, attending to her nether partages with her tongue.)


(Ze, outside in the pre-dawn darkness): Five AM. Bust that cycle.

(A sign says "Don't litter" and combines the anti-litter message with the No Parking symbol of a P with a slash through it, turning the red slash into a red push-broom.) Remember, kids, don't litter. The letter P did, and now as an example it has to sweep the streets!

You know he was hanging out with Q. Dirty Q!

(A sign reads "ALL TRAFFIC ->".) Despite the warning, the morons in my neighborhood keep going in this direction anyways!

(A pedestrian sign shows two figures, each holding a square item, above a downward-slanting arrow. There's really no way to explain how this sign relates to the joke; you're just going to have to watch The Show to get this one.) Even if you're normal, wearing a butt cannon means you're slowly going to hell.


(Riding the Fire Eagle Danger Day theme plays!)

Venezualan president Hugo Chavez stole the show this week, making some colorful comments at the United Nations General Assembly and at a speech in Harlem.

At the UN, Chavez began his speech saying, "Yesterday the devil came here, right here, right here, and it still smells of sulphur still today, this table that I am now standing in front of."

I know it's probably been done, but... (Ze purses his lips and makes a fart sound.)

Reportedly, the "smell of sulphur" comment was not meant to be insulting. (A series of photos are shown in which Chavez is extending one finger in various circumstances.) During speeches, Chavez has been known to challenge his audience to pull his finger, and has even incorporated the ritual into numerous ceremonies.

Far from being insulting, the smelling of the sulphur, as the ritual is known, is a gesture of goodwill.

Seeking to quell the misunderstanding, Venezualan officials pointed to Chavez's closing remarks. "It smells of sulphur here, but God is with us, and I embrace you all. May God bless us all. Good day to you." (Ze concludes the quote with a fart noise.)

(Over a photo of a vacuum cleaner dressed in a suit jacket and tie with glasses and a dust-filter face): US ambassador John Bolton, seen here-- oops! I mean, seen here... (Photo changes to a shot of Bolton, in a suit jacket and tie with glasses and a dust-filter moustache) referred to Chavez's statement as a "comic strip approach to international affairs" and "insulting."

Venezualan officials disagree, saying that most of Chavez's gaffes can be blamed on the fact that he used Google's translation services. Information from an anonymous UN aide seems to corroborate this story. Reportedly when asking where the bathroom was, Chavez is alleged to have said, "My magnificent blood-filled snake would like to vomit in your wide-open mouth of swirling holy water."


That's all for Happy Week! Goose, why don't you take us out (voice slowing, pitch dropping, rendering the last few words difficult to understand - possibly "of this joint")

(Goose's extended remix of Ray's "Whip Somebody's Ass" song plays over photos of dressed-up vacuum cleaners.)

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