the show: 09-26-06

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(Ze sings over the title screen, in mellow AM Gold style): Whoo-oo-oo likes the little little duckies in the pond?

(The Machinima characters from this intro are the stars of Tra5hTa1k with ILL Will , a gaming news and talk show video podcast.)

ILL Will: Good morning Shorts Racers! Welcome to another episode of The Show!

Mal Content: Are you pretending to be--

ILL Will: My name is Ze Frank--

Mal Content: --pretending to be Ze Frank again?

ILL Will: Huh? Oh, Mal...

Mal Content: Come on, Will!

(Stern Ze): Well? I think you have something to say to everyone.

(Sulky Ze): I don't wanna.

(Stern Ze): Say it!

(Sulky Ze): I'm sorry... for the way you reacted.

(Stern Ze): That's a Pope apology! You apologize like a normal person!

(Sulky Ze): I'm sorry for what I said.

(Stern Ze): Mm-hm. And?

(Sulky Ze): Your video response made me laugh. (He chuckles.) It was funny!

(Stern Ze): Good. Now go.

(Ze's mouth in extreme closeup): GRRRRRR

Knowledge says, everything in moderation, even moderation!

This weekend the New York Times published details from a classified National Intelligence Estimate released in April.

According to the article, the NIE stated that the American invasion and occupation of Iraq has helped spawn a new generation of Islamic radicalism. According to one American intelligence official, the report says "that the Iraq war has made the overall terrorism problem worse."

The White House responded by saying that the published details did not represent the overall document.

You mean like how the information saying that there were WMDs in Iraq wasn't representative of the whole document?

Or like 'the resurgence of the Taliban in Afghanistan makes that a potential rallying cry for the terrorists' kind of not representing the whole document?

Or do you mean like Newsweek not representative of the whole document?

The Web's all a-tizzy over a recent issue of Newsweek.

(Visual: Cover of the European edition of Newsweek, with a photo of a Taliban fighter holding a weapon. The headline reads "LOSING AFGHANISTAN.") Here's the cover they published in Europe.

(Visual: Cover of the Asian edition of Newsweek, same photo of a Taliban fighter holding a weapon, same "LOSING AFGHANISTAN" headline.) Here's Asia.

(Visual: Cover of the Latin American edition of Newsweek, same photo of a Taliban fighter holding a weapon, same "LOSING AFGHANISTAN" headline.) And here's what Hugo Chavez saw!

(Visual: Cover of the U.S. edition of Newsweek, featuring Annie Leibovitz photos and the headline "My Life in Pictures.") But here's what they ran in the U.S.

It's like the rest of the world doesn't even care that Annie Leibovitz exists!

Oh, right, Afghanistan is gonna take picture of Tom Cruise's fake baby! I don't think so!

It's not representative of the whole document.

In a rare move, President Bush said today that he would seek to declassify the National Intelligence Estimate and let Americans come to their own conclusions.

He then proceeded to tell Americans which conclusions they should come to.

X-Men fan President Musharraf of Pakistan says the United States threatened to bomb his country back to the Stone Age after the 9/11 attacks if he did not help America's War on Terror.

The White House responded by saying: "Eh. Whatever works."

The U.S. military objected to the claim, saying that the plans had only included bombing Pakistan back to the Middle Ages. That statement was given credibility after recent rumors that a moat would be built around Baghdad.

But Lt. Colonel Barry Johnson said that Iraqis should not get their hopes up. While moats are cool and filled with alligators and stingrays (what, to defend against Russell Crowe's portrayal of Steve Irwin?) and stuff, Johnson said this will be a series of checkpoints using natural terrain that already exists such as canals and some obstacles.

Investigators have zeroed in on the source of the E. Coli contaminated spinach. Officials believe that Natural Selection Foods packaged the tainted spinach for dozens of brands. The investigation has yet to find the source of the contamination (Then have they really 'zeroed in' on it? Sounds like they still have some subtracting to do to get down to zeroed...) and has done little to clear up rumors that Bluto (Visual: Popeye the Sailor Man and his enemy Bluto, who appears to be pushing him on a swing; so much for their eternal rivalry) took a crap in the spinach fields.

This is Ze Frank, thinking, so you don't have to.

(devinreams from the forums): My brother and I really want to be in the League of Awesomeness. And we think it's not fair because Tiny Dick, all he had to do was submit a comment and pinch a towel between his buttcheeks (behind devinreams, someone else, presumably the aforementioned brother, walks by nude from the waist down with a towel pinched between his buttcheeks) and we all know that a tiny dick would never make for a good towel rack. Right?


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