the show: 09-28-06

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Transcript

(Evil-looking clown): Good morning Sports Racers this is Stitches the mad clown in Harajuku (?) Japan. And now on with The Show with Ze Frank.


(Ze): Whoa! That's awesome! I wish I understood Japanese.

Ha ra ra ra ra, The Show.

Today the show is comin atcha from the small ski resort town of Kansas City, Missouri.

To get here I got to go to an airport again. I had to be very quiet so I didn't wake up the ugly smiley face that was sleeping. Although they don't let you take it on the plane, you can still buy water. They just charge you a little bit more if you plan on drinking it. Personally, in an emergency, I'd rather have a water hose. But luckily you can always rely on this. (An empty mounting bracket that should have a fire extinguisher on it.) I guess old Jonnie Oneleg's shopping for a new testicle. I think the one he's got is fine.

On Midwest Airlines they say every seat’s first class. I guess they spent so much on the leather that they couldn’t afford the leg room. Even though my knees were jammed into the seat, the guy in front of me made the flight fun. He taught me a new game called, “pushie pushie, who’s an asshole?” Even though I couldn’t see his face, I was pretty sure what he looked like. I wound up losing pushie pushie who’s an asshole, but I sure did try. And sometimes trying is the best you can do.

(Ze coughs while saying "Move!" under his breath)

Just a quick note: Goose’s extended remix of Ray’s tune has now been downloaded over a hundred thousand times!

Special Dirty Space News I’m Tired Travel Edition!

According to the New Scientist, the Mars rover Opportunity has approached the rim of giant Victoria’s crater.

(Ze giggle)

Despite the many obstacles that Mars has put in its path, the hooded opportunity has managed to stay erect and in recent days has traversed the soft smooth landscape leading up to the crater. The rover’s principal investigator Steven Squires echoed other scientists saying, “this is a geologists dream-come-true.” The anticipation however was mixed with anxiety. Worried about Opportunities endurance, Squires said, “the rover could die at any moment.” But Opportunity inched forward anyway, and yesterday the New Scientist reported that it had reached the mouth of the gaping crater.

(giggle)

The rover is now expected to slowly circle the rim and take pictures. According to the article, Squires is excited to learn more about the quote/unquote “wet era...”

(longer giggle)

...saying, “the way to find that out is to go deeper, and Victoria may let us do that. NASA manager Cindy Oda chimed in saying, “we’re so proud of Opportunity, the little rover that ‘takes a lickin and keeps on ticking.’”

I ... I am a full-grown man. (chuckle)

(funny face/voice): Ge di daw! (???)

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