the show: 10-02-06

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Transcript

(Woman in a frog hoodie, standing on the Great Wall of China): Nihao, Sports Racers!

(Ze): Ah, the Great Wall of China! One of the wonders of the world!

The exemplary case study of cost-effective ways of keeping foreigners out!

Only a million people died. And it worked.

Except for that time in 1644 when the Manchurians crossed the wall and ended up conquering China. But it worked after that.

Actually I guess it never really worked. But... it's really long.


But soon, my little frog hood wearing Sports Racer, you won't have to travel so far in order to see a "Great Wall."

On Friday the Senate approved the building of a 700-mile-long fence along the U.S.'s southwestern border with Mexico. Despite the 80 to 19 vote, some Democrats openly opposed the passage of the bill.

Senator Richard Durbin of Illinois, seen here bored out of his mind, said "You don't have to be a law enforcement or engineering expert to know that a 700-mile fence on a 2000-mile border makes no sense."


(Uptight Ze): Oh, who's not making sense? You put the 700 miles along the part that everyone's been crossing!


Although Congress approved $1.2 billion for the fence, Congressional aides acknowledged it was appropriating only enough money to complete about 370 miles of it.


(Uptight Ze): Fine! So you put up sections of the fence where people have been caught crossing! That way when they try it again and run into it, they'll bring back words to their peoples of the Great Wall to the North!

(Questioning Ze): But then that's not really a wall. It's segments of wall.

(Uptight Ze): Okay, Mister Semantics, what would you call it?

(Questioning Ze): I don't know... a gate?

(Uptight Ze): Fine! They'll bring back news to their peoples of the Great Gateway to the North!

(Questioning Ze): It's more like an open gateway, really.

(Uptight Ze): Whatever! The Great Open Gateway to the North! The point is that it'll finally solve the immigration problem.


More hoopla this weekend over Florida representative Mark Foley... more hoopla than you can handle!

On Friday, Mr. Foley resigned after being confronted with a series of sexually explicit emails that he's reported to have sent to underage Congressional pages.

In all honesty, I've been aware of this story since last Thursday, but like many Republican Congressmen, had hoped it would just go away.

A number of senior Republicans, including Speaker J. Dennis Hastert, are said to have known about the email communications for months.

The FBI has started a preliminary investigation to find out whether Foley has broken any federal laws.

For all you international viewers, the Congressional page program is a program where underage high school students are brought to Washington in order to be exposed to government.

That particular language appears to have caused some confusion.

Much like in Hollywood, these young eager pages are dressed up in uniforms and asked to perform menial tasks, like carrying a note from one end of the hallway to another. And apparently, just like Hollywood, sometimes pages are asked to put in a little extra.

Interviewed on Sunday, Ashley Gallo, a former page, said that she and her friends had viewed Mr. Foley as one of the few lawmakers who had made a real effort to reach out to young people.

That much is becoming painfully obvious.

(Over an image of Foley holding an award statuette that looks a little like a fire eagle): The League of Awesomeness reportedly retracted the award that it gave Mr. Foley for his work against child sex offenders.

Foley potentially stands to experience firsthand some of the legislation he helped pass.

Hoo-plah.

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