the show: 10-03-06

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Guy: Good morning sports racers. And welcome from the show Ze: S-s-s-something from the comments. Yes, yes!

Daniel San writes: 'Hey, i wanna start a video blog, could you give us some behind the scenes stuff like what camera you have and what software you use to edit?'.

I've heard that question before so welcome to the (questionable hand gesture) ins and outs of video blogging!

First off, Daniel San, I wanna congratulate you for asking the right questions. As most people know, success in any creative endeavour is all about the gear. If you wanna be a chef, you better learn all about pots before you dive in. And it's no secret the surgeons spend their first three years of training only learning about knives.

Call me old school if you like, but I personally illustrate each frame of every episode. This technique is a bit cumbersome and appears to be going out of style. The new fad which all the kids are going crazy about seems to be pointing a box with a pinhole in it at a pair of well shapen breasts.

Now that you know my technology secrets we can focus on some of the other basics. But before we start, remember: no matter what you do, video blogging will make you famous.

Part 1: History Since the term 'blogging' is so well defined and obvious, we can skip right to the history of video blogging. Early video blogs lacked sound and therefore didn't have the impact of the modern day video blog. Due to this fact and long download times, people started doing what everybody does when they get bored: have sex on camera.

For a while both porn and non porn video blogs lived happily side by side, until the great rift of '96.

With the advent of audio you could finally hear the sex and porn split off to pursue the revenue. While the ancestors of modern video blogging decided to pursue potential revenue, or PR.

Judging by the fact that porn is all but faded away and potential revenue is in seemingly endless supply, that choice was the right one.

Now that you know where you came from and before you do anything else, you have to make choices about the three F's: FRAMING, FRIENDLINESS and INFORMATION.

How to frame: too much crotch --- not enough crotch --- excellent crotch.

How friendly:

Too friendly: "Hi everyone, this blanket makes my nipples itchy."

Too mean: "So yesterday, minding my own business, I was confronted with a tsunami of crap!"

Just right: "Isn't it such a pleasant day today?"

How much information

Too little information: So I have all these books, they're mine. I guess you could say I 'own' them. Ehm. They're all written by different people, uh... except those two. They're written by the same person.

Too much information: So yeah I was curious: does anyone else get zits on their nutsack? So I asked Jerry at work -I've talked about him before it- and he says he has herpes. And the weird thing was, I couldn't understand him at first because he was whispering.

Just right: Master these basics and next time we'll talk about some advanced ins and outs of videoblogging.

So this morning I woke up and I had a little piece of lint stuck in my foreskin and I was like holy crap it's a bug, y'know? but it wasn't.

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