the show: 10-12-06

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  • today has a large cast of characters, some character attributions are guesses

Transcript

[bouncy headed draco-chicken]
SomeoneNotZe: Worst intro ever

[forum view]
ZaN: Pilot writes: boring places suck
ZaN: User writes: I disagree, they force you to be creative

[head shot, hotel curtains behind]
Ze: Really? OK.

[Full shot of Ze, standing on a rocky beach]
Ze: Does this count? This is pretty goddamn boring. *beat* Nothing's happening.

[pan shot of rocky terrain]
ZaN: Wadda we got? we got a lot of rocks. heh. That rock has no friends.

[shot of ducks on the water]
ZaN: Duckies

[another pan shot of rocky terrain, water in the distance]
ZaN: Big rocks. Little rocks. Some kind of a bush.

[full shot of bush]
ZaGod: Plant?
ZaPlant: Yes god?

[pan up to see water in the distance]
ZaGod: I've got good news for you. I've created you so you will always grow near water. Always have an ocean view.
ZaPlant: Awesome.

[zoom in on plant leaves]
ZaGod: One small caveat: your leaves will look like tiny penises.
ZaPlant: How bad can that be. heh.

[shot of beer can laying on rocky terrain]
ZaN: And a beer can. Somebody knows how to party.

[closer shot of various rocks on ground, slow pan]
ZaN: Yes, we can learn from the rock. Different colors, shapes sizes, living together in unity.

[collection of tan-reddish rocks on a wooden step, one set apart from the others]
ZaLeader: Reddish colored rocks I have called you together to discuss the tragedy that I'm sure, by now, you've all heard of.

[Different angle of same shot]
ZaLeader: As you know a dear collegue of ours has recently been pooped upon.

[mash potato covered reddish rock enters from frame-right]
ZaPoopRock: It's true, It's true!

[close-up of pooped on rock, with fly]
Fly: Bzzz.

[Ze wiggles rock in gesture of desperation]
ZaPoopRock: For the love of God make the flies go away.

[Shot starts back on reddish rocks and pans left to show a collection of red rocks]
ZaLeader: To get the bottom of this some of our really red rocks have put together a presentation.

[shot of red rocks]
ZaRedRocks: RED ROCKS! RED ROCKS!

[red rock, with dried white stuff on it, addresses collection]
ZaSurvivor: As many of you know I was once pooped upon myself, And I survived.

[tighter zoom on Red survivor]
ZaSurvivor: But I have had to live with this white spot upon my head. And I can feel my collegues' shame.

[Shot of newly pooped upon rock]
ZaPoopRock: It smells so bad.

[previously pooped upon red rock]
ZaSurvivor: After consulting with our intelligence community I belive that I have unearthed a crucial piece of evidence.

[hand moves red rock to uncover a duck feather]
ZaPoopRock: *gasp*

[shot of newly pooped upon rock]
ZaPoopRock: I knew it was the ducks! They hate freedom!

[shot of previously pooped upon rock beside duck feather]
ZaSurvivor: That's right. Ducks.

[overhead shot of duck feather on the rocky beach]
ZaSurvivor: Our spy sattelites have also captured these images, from this very beach.

[full collection shot with all rocks]
ZaPoopRock: The ducks are everywhere, what should we do?

[tight shot on new poop rock]
ZaPoopRock: Soon there will be poop on all of us.

[full shot of rocks, diembodied hand moves a big red rock]
ZaBigRedRock: I say we invade the water and kill the ducks.

[tighter shot on large red rock]
ZaBigRedRock: In my experience the water is a regular cess-pool of duck poop.

[hand moves a smaller redder rock]
ZaLittleRedRock: It's true I've seen it. The water supports the ducks.

[back to large red rock]
ZaBigRedRock: And it appears that the water is encroaching on the very borders of our rocky beach.

[hand on smaller red rock]
ZaLittleRedRock: I've heard that clams ejaculate right into the water.

[full shot of reddish rocks]
ZaReddishRocks: Murmur, murmur, sperm, murmur, murmur.

[tighter shot of reddish rocks]
ZaReddishRocks: Kill the ducks, Kill the ducks!

[Full shot of rock collection]
ZaN: Wait!

[pan shot to right, to reveal a collection of blue rocks around the beer can]
ZaRocks: *gasp*
ZaN: It's Kennedy rock from the blue rocks.

[tighter shot of blue rocks and beer can, hand moves beer can]
ZaKennedyRock: Before we invade the water we must ask questions.

[tight shot of blue rocks]
ZaBlueRocks: How many ducks, what kind of ducks.

[Full shot of all rocks]
ZaBigRedRock(?): Screw you blue rocks!

[Back to beer can tight shot]
ZaKennedyRock: Do we have enough ducks to invade the water?

[wider shot of beer can and blue rocks]
ZaKennedyRock: Too few rocks and we'll sink to the bottom, only to be pooped upon by ducks from above.

[picture of some rocks to right of blue rocks]
ZaFoleyRock (not visible): That's absurd, we can't waste any time.

[Tighter shot of big reddish rock with bush leaf in suggestive location, surrounded by little red rocks]
ZaPoopRock: Foley rock what are you doing here? and why did you bring all the little rocks?

[rear shot of Foley-rock and pages facing blue rocks]
ZaFoleyRock: Uh, just being friendly, You know, like when your buds get together and talk about what kind of underwear you're wearing.

Tighter shot of Foleyrock with one little red rock "speaking"]
ZaPageRock: I wear underoos!

[Shot of blue rocks and Beer can]
ZaKennedyRock: That's not friendly, that's overly friendly.

[back to front shot of foley rocks]
ZaFoleyRock: Ah, crap. Kennedy, help a brother out.

[wider shot of Foley and page rocks. Hand pours beer from can over Foley rock]
ZaKennedyRock: Uh, sweet jesus.

[wide shot of blue rocks, without beer can getting pooped from above]
ZaN: Quaack, Quaack Quaack Quaack Quaack Quaack.

[Full shot of Ze on rocky shoreline]
Ze: Still not feeling anything.

[Shot of water with ducks]
ZaDuck: Hey, how you doin'.

[pan up to jets flying low overhead]
ZaDuck: Aw sweet, here come the show-offs.

[back to shot of ducks on the water]
ZaDuck: I could do that. Try landing in water you pussies!

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