the show: 10-17-06

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Transcript

[boy seated with someone behind him making hand gestures]

welcome

[old man with backback who never looks at the camera hiking in woods]

good morning sports racers

[poorly lit young female in some museum in front of a diorama]

good morning sports racers

[young woman with young man scooting behind her as if driving an imaginary car]

speeeed racers

[young woman with guitar singing directly to the camera]

hellooo sports racers

hellooo and welcome to the show

[image of a sign outside of dealership that reads ""Z" Frank Chevrolet 6060"]


[cut to Ze]

Don't it just feel like a small town?

I'm sick stage five on the IC, nothing to gain, nothing to loose. Body shut down, sheriff office closed. Municipal coffers empty not enough money to patrol the streets.

[sniff]

Those little bastards the Mucus twins seized on the opportunity and started sledding down throat hill on their sandpaper toboggan. They should know better, stay inside and study. Little Johnny Mucus said he wants to grow up to be a constructor worker, pave roads, but today he's more like the devil incarnate. Bobby Mucus still can't really talk at 10 years old and people are starting to take notice that he likes to dress up like a pirate. On a day like today unsupervised it's inevitable he'll convince Johnny to go exploring in the nose canals. 'Momma sinus said not to go down in there.' Bobby Mucus just flips up his eye-patch and says 'yar-ar-ar.' Johnny being a twin can understand what he's saying. 'We've got a buried treasure down there.'

The traffic light on main street is busted and all the parking meters are flashing triple zeros. No ones around to fix them so Old Man Sphincter, a war vet from the botchulism of 96, comes out to direct traffic his way. 'What are you, some fancy breakfast cereal? In mah day it was raw oats with a dab of honey if you were lucky! We'll ya can't stay here, either ya turn around and go right back from where ya came, or pass right on through but I don't want to see you again!'

[snort]

The smart ones turnaround and wave awkwardly as they pass the mucus twins who flip them off in return. They emerge topside a little beat up but looking forward to their oceanside vacation. The dumb ones keep going despite Old Man Sphincter's warnings that there's been trouble brewing in the old mining town of intestine swamp. Without a police escort there's barely any hope, and there's no police to be found. Besides, no one goes down there at night. Times like this those boys wont even take your valuables, they'll just beat your ass for the fun of it. If you you're real quiet you can hear the screaming... the horror. The lucky few who make it through come out unrecognizable, even to their own mothers.

Out in the countryside in the small town of dermis they caught wind of the shutdown. Fearing the apocolypse they started turning the heat down to conserve energy. They don't expect much from the government and now it's every folicle for himself. Anything wasteful is getting dumped and the whole town has a sour smell to it. Then there's me hoping that after a good nights sleep everyone will come to their senses.

[fades to black]

Oh yeah, if you want to sponsor the show, you can give me some candy. Check the link in the sidebar and get yourself a jewel, little duckie, or big duckie. Your personal message will show up on the following day's show. Tricker treat, now give me some candy.

[sound bed, "hello sports racers, hello and welcome to the show"]

Title: From you

[image of bull in the stands]

Worst Petting Zoo ...EVER

[image of guy with weird rubbery knobby whig]

Worst Birth Control ... EVER

[very white guy with beard and thinning hair, some of which goes down the middle of head]

Worst Mr. T Look-Alike ...EVER

[piece of meat with string around it]

Worst Balloon ... EVER

[cross section of a male anatomy showing top of leg, prostate, lower intestine, and other parts]

Worst Flower Vase ... EVER

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