the show: 10-19-06
From zefrank
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Transcript
Female Sportsracer [from behind camera]: Go!
Male Sportsracer [sitting with monkey]: Live from the sacred monkey forests of Bali - it's The Show. [feeds monkey]
Ze: Huh, that ducky looks just like a monkey.
[snorts heavy mucus back up into nasal cavity] Today I'm coming atcha from a lovely little bed and breakfast in Camden, Maine. [pan of bedroom including a human figure lying under a patchwork quilt] I'm staying in a room that looks like Holly Hobby just hit menopause, yo. Strawberry Shortcake's right down the hall getting a sponge bath and waiting for her wheelchair to get fixed.
Aw, that shit was on my lunchbox in '82!
Mmm, that delicious, what is that?
Miss Shortcake, I call that a lung biscuit - or a throat cookie.
Nader writes "I'm through with the pooing and peeing and the penis all over the internet. How about a little somethin' highbrow?"
Nader I hear ya, but it ain't just the internet, it's everywhere. For example I loves me some foliage but ya gotta start wonderin' how come deciduous trees evolved to lose their leaves at all. They spend half the year all skanky, unable to get dick one from the sun. Those fat leaves are risky too - you get an early winter storm like you just did in Buffalo and the weight of the snow can snap a tree in half. Conifers with their tiny needles don't have that problem, and because they don't shed they can collect sunlight all year. So what up with the deciduous, yo? One theory is that shedding leaves is a great way for trees to get rid of waste. Towards Fall the trees pump all their crap up into the leaves. And when the leaves fall the tree goes 'poop'. I'm not kiddin'. It's kind of like once a year enema to give the tree a fresh start. So next time you rake up those leaves realise you're about to jump into a pile of tree shit.
The New York Times reports that a team of Russian and American scientists have created the heaviest element ever seen in a laboratory. Element 118 stuck around for less than one thousandth of a second and has yet to be named. My guess is those guys get to name it. I hope they name it something cool like 'Daggerfire', like 'Huskium'. When you discover some things you get to name it, like planets. "Xena".
With other things it's not so easy. For example, a friend of mine Gal discovered something, or at least a lack of something. He discovered although there's plenty of words in the English language for using a large vocabulary - loquacious, garrulous, voluble - there's no adjective that means you possess a large vocabulary. Being that he discovered it he figured he could name it. But what? Vocabulaire? "He's quite vocabulaire." No, Gal had a better idea. He sent the Oxford English Dictionary a letter petitioning them to include the word 'megagaltastic'. They replied that although they did not know of any word which means 'having an extensive vocabulary', having a word named after you is a bit complicated. You need at least five published instances of the word and it needs to stay around for a minimum of five years. So the next time you have to write a paper Sportsracers be sure to include the term 'megagaltastic'. We've only got five years to go.
References
The New York Times: Element 118, Heaviest Ever, Reported for 1,000th of a Second
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If only there were more blue people
Ze- thanks for the entertainment every day.
I do, I do, I do, chicka quack quack!
Paying so you don't have to.
markdaycomedy on youtube & wordpress owes Ze lots
poop.
quack QUACK!!
Giving something to Ze made me feel just duckie!
VOTE GOP IN 2006 MID-TERMS!! KEEP ZE'S TAXES LOW!!
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Can't say enough good about your efforts. Thanks
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Worst version of Space Invaders... ever!
This duckie likes ze and poker- crushthetables.com
I like big ducks, and I cannot lie!
Erasing sports, so you don't have to
Keep glowing in the dark - thanks, Wilbur
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I decided not to buy a duckie. Oh, shit...
Zim says thanks Ze!
Thank you for inspiring us every day! - Dan & Drew
Quack, bitches.
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A bargain at twice the price.
More than enough smiles to be worth 50 bucks.
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This is $5 I would have spent on a pack of cigs!
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Ze keeps me sane....-ish. - C.
$10 is a lot from a grad student. I <3 the Show!
Some political statement.
May this red jewel boost your immune system.
throwing my duckie in the pond; thx for the show!
oh, he dinnit say asshole babies!
Thanks much Ze!
With love, Mindful One @ kathrynpetroharper.com
Or - just say 'oops!', and do a pirouette....
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I wish I had an Earth sandwich.
O'Duckies rules!
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T:Will you marry me?I'll bring the Tinfoil rings.
Hi Mom
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'Cause you make me smile!
Ze, you're my secret boyfriend.
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Thanks Ze! College numbs my brain to thinking! RLW
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a koala crapped a rainbow in my brain
Buy yourself a little somethin' Ze
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Ze - you're a gem.
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Blue is for you, Ze, and my lover too.
Green is for the crumbled dollars in my pocket
duck duck goose
Ze doesn't want you to know [censored] duckies.
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I like yer cheeks.
Go Tigers!
glowfresh duckie love
second! day that is.
Dear Ze, Thanks. Love, Briana
Beware the Power of Carianoff!
Thank you for being awesome!
A little change can change the world. Cheers Ze.
so it goes...
Thank you. Great Show - PodSlug
c'est la merde!
someday i'll spring for the big duckie. :D
Dont do what your sponsors want you to do
insert clever sarcastic topical comment here
i was cool before being cool was trendy
Four score and seven duckies ago...