the show: 10-24-06

From zefrank

Transcript

Man near the Taj Mahal: Good morning sports car racer fans, it’s sunrise at the Taj Mahal.

Ze: Sport car racers? What the hell is that? Oh, I get it, if you split the word up it kinda sounds like ‘sports’ and ‘racers’. Like wind-shield, wal-nut, or Strong-Bad. Thanks for pointing that out, that’s pretty weird, but even a three-year old knows that it’s not sports CAR racers.

Little Kid: Good morning Sports Racers.

Ze: That kid’s got a future. But look in the background. Worst TV show ever.

xspiffyjennyx writes, “Do you speak French ze?”

Do I speak French? I took four years of it in elementary school maybe that answers your question. I had Monsieur Cowells (???) Maybe you’ve heard of him? A little Napoleonic demon missing half of his index finger on his right hand?

Frankly, he scared the living shit out of me and I could barely make it through those memorization pages he made us do at the end of the year.

Janvier est le premier mois de l’année. Fevri—(french accent) No, again!

Yeah, so he scared me but not as bad as Ms Fullman (???), she was an ex-nun. Something I kind of wish I knew when I was on doorbell duty. I know, that was back when they actually let little kids answer the front door of the public schools. Anyways, I was on doorbell duty, and the bell rang like four times while I was in class. So under my breath I was like, “Jesus Christ!”

Auhhhhh!

Yeah, that didn’t fly, and she let the class know that that was an indictment of both me and my parents. Sure, she let me bang out the erasers once in a while. I don’t know how we got roped into that, but we were so pumped when we got eraser duty. Let the kids do it; it’s a fine, silicon dust. It’ll make their lungs stronger.

Bang bang bang bang bang. Look at the clouds! My mouth feels funny!

Yeah, so you could say I speak French. I hear it’s the diplomatic language. There’s an indictment!

I’m totally interested in learning another language, though. Like right now I’m trying to learn how to speak Nerd.

if (zipperIsDown == true) { while (shakevar < 3) { shakevar++; executeShakePenis(); } executeZipperUp(); zipperIsDown = false; }

That’s all I really know. I think it’s like a pickup line or something.

I grew up bilingual. Out with my friends I spoke Small-Town-Northeast.

I’ll have the eggs over my hammy, please? And what do you want? My treat.

But at home, we spoke Liberal Democrat.

Look, Mom, Bob Newhart’s running for office! No, sweetie, that’s Mondale (???). Did you scratch my John Lennon LP?

When I went to college, I majored in Pompous Intellectual.

In my opinion, Camille Paglia is losing to Deleuze.

But I also minored in Frat Boy.

Can I get the eggs over my hammy. Do you have any cash?

After college, when I moved to New York, I picked up some Libertarian. The hardest part about Libertarian is learning how to roll your eyes.

Government [rolls eyes].

But right now I’m in the middle of trying to learn Republican. You know over half the country speaks it? I think there’s even and Amendment in Congress that might make it a national language before elections. With the country speaking two different languages, maybe it is time for a diplomatic language.

Janvier est le premier m—

Gimme some candy’s back from the dead, and thanks to Paypal, even Canada can play along, eh?

// ze just said "= true", but any self-respecting nerd knows that "==" tests for equality
if (zipperIsDown == true) {
	while (shakevar < 3) {
		shakevar++;
		executeShakePenis();
	}
	executeZipperUp();
	zipperIsDown = false;
}

/* He's still learning :P */