the show: 10-31-06

From zefrank

Transcript

"Morning sportsracers! Gggk."

Worst ventriloquist ever.

Dude, I saw your lips move.

All right, it was cute.

"Welcome to the show."

Refering to yesterday's show, Homerr writes: "Were those manboobs I saw under the black-on-black t-shirt?"

Homerr, what kind of a sick bastard are you? Manboobs? They're manbreasts. And they have names: Leslie and Mrs. Leftboob.

Manboobs.

Today is Halloween, and Wikipedia, the home of the C+ term paper, reminds us that Halloween is the sixth most profitable holiday in the United States. Out of the ones that probably come to mind right now, only Thanksgiving brings in less dough.

Wikipedia, which has been known to dress up like a real encyclopedia from time to time, also tells us that the most popular Halloween party game is "bobbing for apples," otherwise known as "dooking."

Man, have I been misusing that word.

I'm gonna take a dook.

Cool, can I come?

Not to brag, but people say I can fish pretty much anything out of the water with my teeth.

Uhhhh!

Kung-fu fighter Dick Cheney found himself in a tub full of luke warm spittle-filled water last week after a radio interview during which critics say that he condoned the practice of waterboarding. When asked "Would you agree that a dunk in the water is a no-brainer if it can save lives?" Cheney replied "It's a no-brainer for me, but for a while there I was criticized as being the Vice President for torture. We don't torture."

Waterboarding was one of the hot issues surrounding the passage of the recent Millitary Comissions Act. One of the bill's sponsors, Republican senator Lindsey Graham, said that the bill was intended to rule out what was thought of as cruel interrogation practices including water boarding.

However, the final wording of the bill, along with the Presidential signing statement, has left some wiggle room in its interpretation, and it's up to the President to define what constitutes torture.

However the enigmatic host of American White House, Tony Snow, said that Cheyney was not refering to waterboarding or any other form of torture. He urged the press to let the text speak for itself.

"A dunk in the water is just a dunk in the water."

Dooking?

Sure, there'll be goblins and ghosts this year, but my favorite costumes have always been those that represented a hidden desire. The kind of costume where you can't help but act differently when you put it on.

The ballerina costume that makes you twirl, the tuxedo that makes you stand up straighter, and the sexy kitten costume that makes you purr. The best costumes make you do things that feel good that would otherwise be embarassing.

For those of you without a costume this year, because you didn't have the time or because you didn't have the energy, don't let the opportunity pass you by. Pick a mental costume. For just a few moments today, dress youself up as that something you'd love to be.

Maybe take a twirl in a crowded elevator.

Or blow a kiss to the copy boy.

Or grab a broom and ride it around the office like a cowboy.

The best feeling a costume can give you is transformation, and you don't need a costume for that.

Yeeeeeeehoooooww!

And now for people inside pumpkins.

[instrumental music]