the show: 11-03-06

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Transcript

Intro (man in plastic bubble): Good morning, Sports Racers! You're watching the show with Ze Frank!

Ze: Hey, nice bubble!

You know what today is. It's Ride the Fire Eagle Danger Day!

[RTFEDD Intro Animation]

That was pretty awesome!

Wouldn't it be cool if there was a claymation intro? Just sayin'...

The New York Times reports that the Pentagon is revamping its public affairs operations in an attempt to, how would you say, "correct" news coverage. The effort was conceived by Assistant Secretary of Defense Dorrance Smith and has so far focused on challenging criticisms of the War in Iraq and Donald Rumsfeld.

(Smiley-face graphic) The effort includes podcasts, blogs, and direct phone calls to reporters who are perceived to be off-message.

A senior military official said that this is an attempt to communicate directly with the American people without having to go through the traditional media.

Totally! Cut out the middle man! If you wanna know what's going on with Rumsfeld, just ask Rumsfeld! Listening to traditional media is like being on the crap end of the telephone game. It's like, when Donny says, "Everything's cool in Iraq, just chill out," the traditional media comes out and writes, "Donny screwed up and you should fire his ass." What the hell's that? They're screwing it all up! It's not propaganda. Think of it as a police escort that makes sure that the message comes through unharmed.

Speaking of problematic middlemen... So there's this little federal agency called The Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction. Their job was to examine how reconstruction money was spent in Iraq, because there were... problems. Stuart Bowen, a Republican lawyer, headed up a number of investigations for the agency, sending a number of American occupation officials to jail on bribery and conspiracy charges, and exposing a bunch of crappy construction work by companies like Halliburton.

This past week, that same agency reported that the military had lost track of thousands of 9mm pistols and hundreds of assault rifles that had been shipped to Iraq.

(Close-up) It turns out we forgot to write down the serial numbers of about a half million weapons that were sent over there.

Nnnhhh!!

Some of this news has been a bit embarrassing for the Bush administration which has been known to tout the reconstruction efforts from time to time.

It's a bit "off-message".

So what do you do? Cut out the middleman!

About two weeks ago, in a closed session, Republican lawmakers slipped a little clause into a piece of legislation. The clause terminates that meddlesome little federal agency. Since then, a number of lawmakers have expressed outrage, claiming that they didn't know that the clause was in the final legislation.

(In a Southern accent) If she ain't talkin' right, you shut 'er down...

A small-town story from Issaquah, Washington has gathered some national attention this week. Apparently, this past summer, a school bus drove by the Presidential Motorcade. U.S. Representative Dave Reichert was riding along with the Prez and said that the school kids waved. The bus driver, however, didn't. She flipped the President off. Bush told Reichert about the bird and Reichert ratted to the school board. This September, that school bus driver was fired because of the incident.

See? Cut out the middleman... woman...

(Cut to black, then back to Ze)

Woman... Middleman... woman. Cut out the middleman... woman... woman...

Woman... woman... woman.

See? Cut out the middleman... woman.



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