the show: 11-08-06

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Transcript

Intro (Crowd in unison): Hello, Sports Racers, from Rockton, Illinois! This is the show with Ze Frank. (Various cheering and quacking)

Ze: Yesterday, you made a decision. A decision to change direction, to start on a new path. Only you know what caused this change of heart. Maybe it was the lying, or the rumors of infidelity and sexually inappropriate behavior. Or perhaps you felt abandoned by someone who swore to take care of you, to protect you. Maybe you were tired of the deluge of embarrassing public statements. Or perhaps it was the massive recent failure in attempting to conquer a foreign territory. Or maybe it was because he was just too much of a schmuck. (edit-replay) ...too much of a schmuck.

In any case, Britney, I wish you well in your divorce, and whatever the future holds for you. I take comfort in the fact that if your prediction holds true, you'll be married again soon. And I quote...

(Picture of pregnant Britney in a bikini) Baby...

(Picture of Britney holding infant son) ...baby...

(Picture of Britney in a wedding dress, holding a microphone) ...one more time.

And that's pretty much all I have today. I, uh... there was one other thing, uh... Oh, right!

The New Scientist reports that researchers in China have found that the wings of the cicada, covered with thousands of pillar-like protrusions, could make excellent nanoscale printing blocks. Millions of cicadas were overheard, saying, "Oh, shit!"

Speaking of someone saying, "Oh, shit," Yahoo News reports that the President voted in Crawford, Texas, and then returned to Washington to have a meal of corn bisque and beef loin with Karl Rove and others.

Mmm, nothing like a good corn bisque and a dollop of getting-your-ass-handed-to-you.

After yesterday's elections, the Democrats firmly took control of the House of Representatives and the President planned on continuing his eating binge by inviting future Speaker of the House -- first female ever -- Nancy Pelosi to lunch.

[As Nancy Pelosi (chewing):] Mmm, what is that?

[As George W. Bush:] It's corn bisque (looks away as if stifling laughter)

[As Nancy Pelosi:] Mmm! Salty!

[As George W. Bush:] (snickering)

CNN promptly asked what many Americans are thinking: "Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?"

But before half the country can feel like the other half did a week ago, two key Senate races still have to be decided. In Montana, Democrat John Tester leads Conrad Burns by only 1,600 votes. Although the lead is narrow, it's still well above the one-quarter percent margin that Montana requires for a recount. In Virginia, Democrat Webb leads Allen by less than 8,000 votes, which is less than the 1% margin that Virginia requires for a recount.

Looks like there were more macacas than you thought...

A recount in Virginia which will most likely determine the shape of the Senate could take months to get through.

I'll wait... (chews gum)

While the country holds its breath to see if anything will actually change as a result of this election, the real winner last night was Katie Couric, who proved that although she may have been dull, at least she had very little to say.

[Cut to black, then back to Ze]

And you can count me among those sayin', "Oh, shit!" cause I just found out that Rumsfeld is steppin' down! Wow, that blows that cicada story right out of the water!

(Picture of pregnant Britney) Baby, baby... one more time.



This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-4.gif    Better'n Anal Beads: www.PassionPartiesByEmily.com

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-4.gif    www.maggie.coffeeshopmafia.com

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Sports Racers more than welcome - www.poopgang.com

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-1.gif    Blink.Now THAT was humor.I laft me some.Perfecto!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    Love you Ze.It is a fire eagle danger day everyday

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-8.gif    Love the show Ze!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Mooo. Moo, I say!


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