the show: 11-16-06

From zefrank

Transcript

[Little girl next to a plant] Little ducky in the pond hichoo hichoo hiiiichoo...chica quack quack!

Ze: [genuine laughter] Ok. If you're going to rip me off, at least get it right. It's who likes the little little duckies in the pond. And it's "I do I do I do, a-chicka quack quack."

Little girl: hichoo hichoo!

Ze: No "I do", not "achoo".

Girl: hichoo!

Ze: "I do"!

Girl: hichoo!

Ze: No, it's "achoo"....Rrrr, now you're screwing me up. [sarcastically angry voice & face]

[End SR intro]

Before we start the show, two important pieces of news, the first from from the gallery:

[Picture of a pipe with a hole] Worst Artificial Ass, Ever.

And the other from outside of my hotel: [Picture of large tree trunk, then zoom to painful looking spikes on tree's trunk] Worst Firepole, Ever.

Gunes writes: "If Ze doesn't want to talk about his cats, I'll just talk about mine..."

Oh, cats...

When I'm on the road, I miss my cats.

If you don't know what a cat is, it's sort of like a stuffed animal... but with a working asshole.

I'll admit that when I went to the pound, I was actually shopping for a never ending box of shit, um, and the cat just came with it.

I brought the box home and made sure it was working and I was just gonna throw the cat away. But you get used to 'em. You know, the staring.....the judging...

Full disclosure... I have two cats: The fat one, and the ugly one.

Not a judgment thing, but they are a little bit...lesbian. Dont get me wrong, I'm cool with it and..... yes, sometimes I watch.

One anecdote I will share with you is that in the summertime sometimes i sleep "macho": ahh, white t-shirt, no underpants. Sleeping macho looks very attractive on a man. I feel like it helps me breathe.

Anyways, one summer's eve I woke up to the ugly one licking my butt... crack. It integrated rather interestingly into a dream I was having... about my grandparents.

I.... I was a little weirded out at first, but I came around to realize that, uh, it was a sign of respect. And that's the cornerstone of a good relationship. It's a little tough to show respect back to a cat, ya know; they're very light sleepers.

[Ze makes a face]

[begin epilogue]

Someone will inevitably write: "Ze, I miss the news." News? Didn't you hear, the democrats won? Everything's going to be fine! [grimace]

Anyways, that's what Ride The Fire Eagle Danger Day is for! And this week, we're not skipping it.

Little girl: hichoo, hichoo, hiiichoo... quack quack!