the show: 11-20-06

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Transcript

Intro Goofy Male Newscaster: Good evening Sports Racers, I'm Chet Tillman.

Intro Goofy Female Newscaster: And I'm Georgina Spelvin.

Chet Tillman: You're watching The Show...

Georgina Spelvin: with Ze Frank.

Ze: Georgina, may I be the first to say that you're looking quite well considering your age. May I inquire as to what you are using as moisturizer?

As we approach the upcoming holiday, it's a time for loving, sharing.

The Democrats began reshaping Congress by choosing two people to lead the House that genuinely dislike each other.

Before even starting her job, future speaker of the house Nancy Pelosi received her first thumping.

Pelosi had backed perennially grouchy John Murtha for second-in-command. But Democrats, by a landslide, voted in the younger, hipper Steny Hoyer.

Looking about as comfortable as a recently divorced couple at a child custody hearing, the two pledged to work together.

Their first show of allegiance came when Hoyer publically saught assurances that Pelosi would not retaliate against his supporters.

As speaker of the House, Pelosi has the ability to screw representatives out of treasured committee appointments.

Hoyer said he wasn't too concerned about his supporters getting dicked because "there are a lot of them."

It feels like Thanksgiving a'ready. Like a real fu'in family.

Now that Calista Flockhart has publicly stated that the war in Iraq was a mistake on the hit show Brothers and Sisters, Democrats are scrambling to find a solution.

She really should eat more.

Last week, the top American military commander for the Middle East, General John P. Abizaid was asked to discuss three options for future U.S. troop involvement in Iraq.

The General's response was reminiscent of the classic fairy tale Goldilocks...and the three bags of shit.

While lost in the wilderness, Goldilocks comes across a house.

Inside the house, she finds a table, on which rests: three bags of shit.

The first bag is labeled with a sign that says: IMMEDIATE TROOP WITHDRAWAL . Goldilocks takes one look at it and says, "No, this bag of shit will increase sectarian violence, leading to a civil war which will further destabilize the region."

The second bag has a label on it that says: TROOP INCREASE. Goldilocks picked the bag up and weighed it in her hands, but then she said, "Naa, the American Military is already stretched too thin to make this a long term viable solution and besides it derails the efforts to make the Iraqi Military self-reliant. And besides, even Papa Kissinger said that victory in Iraq is no longer possible."

But just when Goldilocks had given up hope, she saw the last bag out of the corner of her eye.

It's label read: BASICALLY DON'T CHANGE ANYTHING AND KEEP PRAYING TO GOD THAT EVERYTHING'LL JUST WORK OUT.

Goldilocks was so happy, she picked up the bag and left the house and began to skip through the forest.

After skipping for what seemed like an eternity, she stopped in a lovely meadow and said, "Wait, why am I carrying a bag of shit? And who the hell shat in the bag in the first place?"

And the moral is...

Sports Racers, why don't you handle that? Write a one-line moral to that story in the forum.

This is Ze Frank, thinking, so that you think, so that I don't have to.

Secret Boy Chin: I have a secret. The other day, I spanked the Giant Baby.



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