the show: 11-27-06

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--R3neGaDe 22:54, 27 November 2006 (PST)== Transcript ==

(Scrabble board)

[Disembodied Voice] "OK sports racers, Let's go!"


[Disembodied Voice] "You're watching The Show with Ze Frank."

Ze: Cool, it's like they move by magic.

You're either from a Scrabble family or you're not.

There's no in between. Either that board comes out at every God damned holiday get-together or it's the butt of a perennial family joke.

Well, we could play Scrabble. (laughs)

I'm from a scrabophilic family.

In order to understand Scrabble, you have to understand the history of the game.

Originally called Lexiko, the game was invented in 1938 by architect Alfred Mosher Butts.

BUTTS (smiling)

Adding a board, Butts changed the name to Criss-Crosswords, but had little traction in his efforts to sell it to a major toy company. In 1948 the game was purchased by lawyer James Brunot, who understood its value as a family pastime. Brunot realized, that although the game took an annoyingly long time to play and inevitably resulted in argument, at least the losers of the game felt intellectually inferior.

Yeah, that's family! (Ze reminisces)

Brunot changed the name to Scrabble and made buttloads of money before eventually selling off the manufacturing rights.

In 1987 the game was acquired by Milton Bradley. Milton Bradley of course is famous for having come in second place in the "least fun name for a toy company... ever"-competition.

Selchow and Righter eeked out that win.

[Manager/CEO] "You know, I'd like to name the company after someone that works here, but someone with a fun sounding name."
[Employee] "Well, what about Squiggles sir, he's a barrel of monkeys."
[Manager/CEO] "That's a great idea! Squiggles, what's your full name?"
[Squiggles] "My full name?"
[Manager/CEO] "Yea, full name."
[Squiggles] "Well, it's Squiggles... EatABagOfDicks."
[Manager/CEO] "BagOfDicks?"
[Squiggles] "Actually, EatABagOfDicks. It's Prussian."
[Manager/CEO] (quietly) "Ehh... Milton Bradley's not so bad."

You can tell a lot about someone by the way that they play scrabble. For example:

(Ze looks at a Scrabble board with a strange expression on his face)
(Ze barfs Scrabble tiles all over the board)

Tha- (laughs).

That person is an idiot and doesn't know how to play Scrabble.

The rules of Scrabble are simple:

First, each player pretends to mix the tiles while trying to feel for the letter A. The game does not officially begin until one player reminds the others that the first word scores double. That player is known as the scrabble jackass and is then handed the box top for any further rule clarifications.

Players then take turns laying down words until someone does a bad job hiding the fact that they drew a blank.

(Ze pulls a tile from the bag and looks at it awkwardly. He then proceeds to check both sides of the tile, finally placing it in his tile holder)

Upon seeing the blank draw, each player must make a bad joke about the tiles in their possession.

(Ze shows the other players his tiles)
[Ze] "Hey guys, is 'EEEEAAH' a word?" (chuckles) "I'm so screwed."

Play continues until each turn takes longer than open heart surgery and the game ends when one person uses the last of their letters. Even though at this point, no one likes that person, they're still referred to as "the winner."

And that's how you Scrabble!

(Ze sucks tiles off of the board)
  • NOTE: This sequence was a reversal of the scene where Ze barfed tiles onto a Scrabble board.

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-4-0.gif    Inspiring thoughts on thanks, Ze. Thank *you*

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Thank YOU, Ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    cause we're all just one big sandwich.

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Happy Birthday Yvonne. Don't shrink the duckie!

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    from

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Image:theshow-sponsor-2-4.gif    Giving thanks

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thanks Ze!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    You're welcome, Ze. And thank YOU.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Thank you Ze. The show means a lot to many people.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-1.gif    Who gives a shit what Kramer says any way????

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif thanks ze for his hard work!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    No. Thank you, Ze.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    Thank You, Ze!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    no ze, THANK YOU

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-2.gif    no no thank YOU

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    Thank You for the thoughts

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Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    OakLeafGreenDuckie. Topangans (TaoPagans) love Ze

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    two-way gratitude

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