the show: 11-30-06

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[Ze - looking off camera, probably yelling at one of his cats] Hey!

Good afternoon,

(cut to video of a guy in Dubai)

[Guy] Sports Racers, this is the show with ze frank, from Dubai.

(cut back to Ze)

I'm a little tired.

According to CNN, Science researchers at the Los Alamos National Laboratory say that they have trained bees to sniff out explosives.

The hope is that these bomb sniffing bees will be useful for homeland security and the war in Iraq.

It was deemed that the experience of being screened at an airport may suck, but doesn't quite suck enough; we need bees... and cougars, and little pinching robots with bad breath, and it should be raining indoors.

Long considered our enemy, the wily bee may just be the key to our national security.

But how is it done?

(cut to preview of news article)

(cut to a picture of dynamite on the word dynamite and a picture of Sugar Daddies on the words sugary treat)

The bees are trained by exposing them to the smell of things like dynamite after which they're giving a sugary treat.

Researcher Tim Haarmann said quote:

    "When bees detect the presence of explosives, they simply stick their proboscis out,"


(continue quote)

    "You don't have to be an expert in animal behavior to understand it as there is no ambiguity."

(cut to scene of bomb sniffing bee checkers)

[Checker 1] Is it a bomb?
[Checker 2 looking at the bee] One sec. (looks intently at imaginary bee) Yea... it's a bomb.

(cut back to Ze)

Are there explosives in the room or are you just glad to see me?

Stupid bees!

In order to deal with the growing North Korean nuclear threat, the Bush administration is getting creative.

According to CNN, the US Government will be applying trade sanctions to luxury goods such as Congac, jet skis, Rolex watches, iPods, plasma televisions, and Segway electric scooters.

(cut to picture of a pair of asians in mickey mouse ears)

Oh yea, and mouse ears.

(cut back to Ze)

The logic goes something like this: Kim Jong Il uses luxury goods as gifts and bribes to control his bureaucrats.

By taking away those luxury goods, you quote "weaken the cohesion of his leadership."

The US government however, has acknowledged that this embargo will not stop the flow of illegal goods into the country through the black market.

Now, I'm no expert but it seems like the value of these luxury goods is determined by their scarcity.

If you cut off legal channels for these goods, but still acknowledge the presence of illegal ones, the people that have the most access to the black market, in this case Kimmy-boy actually have increased influence.

Maybe a better thing to do would be to flood the market with luxury goods.

Massive plane drops in the countryside of Rolexes and Segways.

A one jet ski per child program.

After a while power would be exerted through goods only the people could supply.

Like tomatoes and bread.

(cut to a picture of Kim raising his hand)

Kim Jong Il responded in outrage to the ban threatening to withdraw his samples from the world sperm bank.

He also threatened to withhold much sought after luxury exports from North Korea including... uhhhh... ahh screw it, he'll just make another bomb.

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

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