the show: 12-07-06

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Transcript

(the beginning James Howard Young's rendition of "Duckies in the Pond" plays in the background)

[Amy Lee] Good morning Sports Racers, this is Amy Lee from California. (whispers) And I'm afraid of the ZeDuckie. Hold me Squeakers. Now onto The Show with ZeFrank!


[Ze] You're afraid of the me duck? I find him quite comforting.

(cut to bathtub with ZeDuck)

No, you're insecure. No, you are! Well, if it's so wrong, why does it feel so right?

(cut to picture of ZeDuck in box)

Guaranteed to increase your mojo.

(cut back to Ze)

Experience the future of Capitalism. While you're wet and naked.

Are you looking for a good time? The New Scientist reported the discovery of a rare South American bat with an amazingly long tongue.

Proportionally the longest tongue in any mammal, it measures up to 150 percent of the bat's body.

When asked about his new found fame, the bat responded, (incomprehensible garbling).

(chuckles and looks off camera)

Now I'm no conspiracy theorist, but someone has to say something.

Futurist thinker and C. Evert Coop look-alike Kevin Kelly recently noted, "The web is already more complex than a human brain and has surpassed the twenty picahertz threshold for potential intelligence as calculated by [Non-'C. Evert Coop look-alike'] Ray Kurzweil."

That's right, the web is thinking, plotting, silently putting up with those disturbing pictures of Britney Spears, but the war may have already begun.

The Seattle Times reports that bad online directions may have been responsible for the tragic death of James Kim in Oregon this past week. Apparently the online mapping service didn't take into account the weather, leaving the family stranded for more than ten days.

(cut to a pic of the Wiimote stuck in a TV)

Throughout the country humans retaliated against the machines.

(cut to various pics of damage caused by unruly Wiimotes)

Known friend of the computer, Nintendo, is investigating reports that players quote: "accidentally threw their controllers at their televisions." Windows, PDAs and ceiling fans have been listed as collateral damage.

The recent outbreak of E. coli at Taco Bell restaurants has been blamed on contaminated green onions. Insiders however, postulate that the evil web brain may have been behind the outbreak having manipulated certain shipping orders.

[Worker 1] Whoa, doesn't this look like a bag of shi-
[Worker 2] No, I wouldn't worry about it. I bet it's for the Gorditos.

Stupid web brain!

(cut to Ze in the bathtub again. This time he is blowing bubbles off of the ZeDuckie in slow motion. This video with JHY's rendition of "Duckies in the Pond" playing in the background takes us out.)



This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-3-0.gif    Best advice EVER on how to study

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Enough drafting, time to take a pull

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-8.gif    Do Not Go To IHateWatches.net, Ze]watches.

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    thanks for all the laughs and thinking stuff


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