the show: 12-19-06

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A present for Damien Hirst.

(Clips cutting into one another of Ze saying "sheep" and "cow.")

This is how I feel today, this is my baseline.

That's a trick. I learned it from an actor so it must not be full of shit. I had asked her how she grounded herself, how she got rid of anxiety before she walked onstage. She said that there were certain things that were very difficult to control, and how she felt at that moment was one of them. For her it was less about getting rid of that anxiety, less about subtraction and more about recalibration.

She would pause for a moment to take what seemed to be her emotional temperature, a pause to feel the anxiety, the excitement, the sadness, whatever it was that day. She would try to do this without judgment, without separating out the bad things from the good things with an eye to change them but rather taking them at face value. Instead, she would recalibrate. The total of what she found would become her normal, the new baseline from which she would experience the world.

Certain emotions can feed on themselves. It's easy become anxious about being anxious. Become more depressed about being depressed. The goal of the recalibration was to normalize these feelings, to make them things that you didn't have to apologize to yourself for or worse beat yourself up about.

I like this idea, this idea I stole from the actors, the idea that you're constantly in flux.

When I agree to do something in the future, not just one me is making that agreement but many versions of me. Recognizing that helps me understand why routines can be so hard. You don't always know who's going to be showing up for the job.

A five-mile run? You're out of your fucking mind. Who signed up for that?

Healthy me. You didn't get the memo?

I don't know if it's accurate imagery, but I think of a lot of overlapping curves. For example, I'm on the bottom of a curve right now I call the "problem curve." When I'm on the top of that curve, I like to work on big, open-ended creative problems -- unsolvable problems. But when I'm down here, I like to work on smaller things, problems I know that I can solve. It's good for cleaning my room or knocking off emails or programming little Flash toys.

Finding my baseline is like checking to see which version of me showed up. There's some thing which some of us aren't so good at, but we're good at other things. Restless me isn't so good at sleeping, but he can read like a motherfucker. Yelling at him isn't gonna get him to sleep any faster.

This is how I feel today, this is my baseline.

This show's sponsors - Gimme some candy

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-2.gif    Gabe is the 'funkiest' sportsracer!

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-0.gif    Happy Holidays Ze, from The Clip Show.

Image:theshow-sponsor-1-8.gif    keep it up ze - make my de (george

Image:theshow-sponsor-2-3.gif    The Caprine Continuum supports the duckies!

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