Fabuloso Friday/Intro/ATNVGY?

From zefrank

Official Douchebag Retraction

I began the whole douchebag process as a way to replace the phrase "I am a huge poopie-head." (Yes really. Check the early history.) In my mind, I had thought that the whole shower-douchebag connection was a story that my girlfriend had told me a few days before, but upon checking the Europe episodes I realize now that Ze had already expounded upon it and my brain filed it incorrectly.

That's the extent to which Ze has infiltrated my subconscious. Pathetic, I know, but more pathetic is the current script. Abandon all douchebag references, ye who enter here; and write a new opening because the alternate opening is not funny at all.

The text to follow is not funny. Get rid of it

Alternate Version

[Ze returns to looking into the distance and puffs his pipe.]

Extreme CU

Ze: [smiling, naively upbeat]: I sure hope you Sports Racers aren't going to make me do anything silly today!

CUT to wide shot of Ze's apartment with armchair central.

[Highly sped up short clip: Ze does a jolly 'How to Dance Properly' - style jig around his room, whilst an acoustic version of 'Anti-intellectualism' plays]

CUT TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

[Ze makes blub-blub noises by moving finger over his lips, with an attitude of compelled cheerfulness as if trapped in hell]

CUT TO NEW CU

[Ze pulls sides of mouth back with fingers and wags tongue horizontally back and forth while saying aaaaaaaah]

CUT TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: This is going much better than I expected.

CUT TO NEW CU

[Sped up. Ze making corny seductive motions to camera.]

CUT BACK TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [even more pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

Ze: [downcast]: I think some hardchargers got to the script.

CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD

Ze: [chatty, a little feminine] You know, in an earlier version of this, I walked out dressed as Carmen Miranda. It was fabulous!

[Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

CUT TO CU

Ze: [deadpan] They're making me do this.

CUT BACK TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: Are the new viewers gone yet?