Fabuloso Friday/Intro/ATNVGY?

From zefrank

Official Douchebag Retraction

READ THE TALK PAGE, DON'T EDIT AWAY THINGS!

I began the whole douchebag process as a way to replace the atrocious phrase "I am a huge poopie-head." However, my head clouded by hard-charger visions of correcting and improving upon an unfunny script (karma's a bitch), wrote out a shower-douchebag sequence.

In my little pea-brain, I had thought that the whole shower-douchebag connection was from a story that my girlfriend had told me a few days before, but upon checking the Europe episodes I realize now that Ze had already expounded upon it and my memory filed it incorrectly.

That's the extent to which Ze has infiltrated my subconscious. Pathetic, I know, but more pathetic is the current script. Abandon all douchebag references, ye who enter here; and write a new opening because the alternate opening is not funny at all.

The text to follow is not funny. Get rid of it

Douchebag Version

[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]

Ze: Racing is the 'what', and 'fast' is the how. Bienvenue, I am not feeling myself and someone else is doing all the thinking.

EXTREME CU

Ze George Bush ROCKS!!!

Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!

CU

Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or...[pause] Whoa...Deja vu!

Ze: [Goofy, high-pitched, french-accented voice, very fast] I am a douchebag.

Ze: Deja vu, means "already seen" in French, which also called pa-ra-mne-si-a.

INTIMATE CU

Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that. Don't feel bad if you didn't. (winks)

CUT TO SLIGHTLY ASKEW CLOSE-UP (Blair Witch - style)

Ze: There was a weird guy at the Yo-Yo Emporium... [Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

Ze: He looked like he wanted to tell me something... I am glad he didn't.

CUT TO MEDIUM RANGE

Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?

[beat]

Alternate Version

[Ze returns to looking into the distance and puffs his pipe.]

Extreme CU

Ze: [smiling, naively upbeat]: I sure hope you Sports Racers aren't going to make me do anything silly today!

CUT to wide shot of Ze's apartment with armchair central.

[Highly sped up short clip: Ze does a jolly 'How to Dance Properly' - style jig around his room, whilst an acoustic version of 'Anti-intellectualism' plays]

CUT TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

[Ze makes blub-blub noises by moving finger over his lips, with an attitude of compelled cheerfulness as if trapped in hell]

CUT TO NEW CU

[Ze pulls sides of mouth back with fingers and wags tongue horizontally back and forth while saying aaaaaaaah]

CUT TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: This is going much better than I expected.

CUT TO NEW CU

[Sped up. Ze making corny seductive motions to camera.]

CUT BACK TO EXTREME CU

Ze: [even more pouty]: Assholes!

CUT TO CU

Ze: [downcast]: I think some hardchargers got to the script.

CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD

Ze: [chatty, a little feminine] You know, in an earlier version of this, I walked out dressed as Carmen Miranda. It was fabulous!

[Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]

CUT TO CU

Ze: [deadpan] They're making me do this.

CUT BACK TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD

Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: Are the new viewers gone yet?