Fabuloso Friday/Intro/ATNVGY?
From zefrank
←Older revision | Newer revision→
The Intro under the debate is a joke in which Ze speculates that the readers may force him insult himself, followed by him doing so. I have added the original 'poopie-head' version because it is less potentially insulting as it's clearly just an over-the-top gag.
Voting
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Options
Vote for: Original Original 'Poopie-Head' Version
- VOTE by Ronen: more juvenile
Vote for: Original Douchebag Version
VOTE by AaronStJ
Vote for: Douchebaggery Aside
Vote for: Douche-lite Version
Vote for: Alternate Version
Vote for: Alternate Alternate Version
Vote for: Douche without the Definition (Old Viewer Version)
Vote for: Douche without the Definition (New Viewer Version)
Vote for: ZeFrank's Law Version
Vote for: Democracy version
Versions
Original Original 'Poopie-Head' Version
[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera looking slightly panicked.]
Ze: But wait! That means you could theoretically have me say something like "I am a big fat poopie head" for 5 straight minutes!
[CUT]
Ze: Aw, hell, you guys aren't THAT big a bunch of sad, lonely, patheticly sadistic sociopathic bastards..
[BEAT]
[CUT]
ZE: [begrudingly, with eyeroll] I am a big fat poopie head. [5xFAST]
ZE: I am a big fat poopie head [2x, again with cuts as editor finds fitting]
CUT TO WIDE
Ze: [faux-excited] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!
CU
ZE: 'Are the New Viewers gone yet?
Original Douchebag Version
[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]
Ze: That means you could have me say something like 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!
Ze: I am a huge douchebag.
Ze: I AM a huge douchebag.
Ze: I am a HUGE douchebag.
Ze: I am a huge DOUCHEbag.
Ze: I am a huge doucheBAG.
Ze: [German accent] I am a huge douchebag.
Ze: [English accent] I am a huge douchebag.
Ze: I am a huge douchebag.
Extreme CU
Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!
CU
Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or...
Ze: [Goofy, fast. Giddy.] I am a douchebag.
Ze: ...to wash.
INTIMATE CU
Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that.
CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD
Ze: Before work every morning, I like to take a nice douche.
CU
Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?
CUT BACK TO TOWEL AND BATHROBE ZE
Ze: [on the phone] Listen, can I call you back? I just got out of the douche.
[beat]
Douchebaggery Aside
[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]
Ze: That means you could have me say something like 'I'm a huge douchebag' for 5 straight minutes!
Ze: I am a huge d-- [cut off]
Ze: [looking very disapproving, shaking his head]
Extreme CU
Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!
CU
Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or to wash.
INTIMATE CU
Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that.
CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD
Ze: Before work every morning, I like to take a nice douche.
CU
Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?
CUT BACK TO TOWEL AND BATHROBE ZE
Ze: [on the phone] Listen, can I call you back? I just got out of the douche.
[beat]
Douche-lite Version
[Ze returns to looking into the distance momentarily. Then turns back to camera with a look of mock-enthusiasm.]
Ze: Racing is the 'what', and 'fast' is the how. Bienvenue, I am not feeling myself and someone else is doing all the thinking.
EXTREME CU
Ze George Bush ROCKS!!!
Ze: [whispering, petulant] Fabuloso Friday sucks already!
CU
Ze: In France, the meaning of the word douche is to shower or...[pause] Whoa...Deja vu!
Ze: [Goofy, high-pitched, french-accented voice, very fast] I am a douchebag.
Ze: Deja vu, means "already seen" in French, which also called pa-ra-mne-si-a.
INTIMATE CU
Ze: [He's talking to you. He knows you. You know he knows you.] But you already knew that. Don't feel bad if you didn't. (winks)
CUT TO SLIGHTLY ASKEW CLOSE-UP (Blair Witch - style)
Ze: There was a weird guy at the Yo-Yo Emporium... [Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]
Ze: He looked like he wanted to tell me something... I am glad he didn't.
CUT TO MEDIUM RANGE
Ze: [whispering] Are the new viewers gone yet?
[beat]
Alternate Version
[Ze returns to looking into the distance and puffs his pipe.]
Extreme CU
Ze: [smiling, naively upbeat]: I sure hope you Sports Racers aren't going to make me do anything silly today!
CUT to wide shot of Ze's apartment with armchair central.
[Highly sped up short clip: Ze does a jolly 'How to Dance Properly' - style jig around his room, whilst an acoustic version of 'Anti-intellectualism' plays]
CUT TO EXTREME CU
Ze: [pouty]: Assholes!
CUT TO CU
[Ze makes blub-blub noises by moving finger over his lips, with an attitude of compelled cheerfulness as if trapped in hell]
CUT TO NEW CU
[Ze pulls sides of mouth back with fingers and wags tongue horizontally back and forth while saying aaaaaaaah]
CUT TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD
Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: This is going much better than I expected.
CUT TO NEW CU
[Sped up. Ze making corny seductive motions to camera.]
CUT BACK TO EXTREME CU
Ze: [even more pouty]: Assholes!
CUT TO CU
Ze: [downcast]: I think some hardchargers got to the script.
CUT TO ZE, WEARING A BATHROBE, COMING OUT OF THE BATHROOM WITH A HUGE TOWEL ON HIS HEAD
Ze: [chatty, a little feminine] You know, in an earlier version of this, I walked out dressed as Carmen Miranda. It was fabulous!
[Quick insert of the classic photograph of Arnold Schwarzenegger with the phrase 'SUBLIMINAL MESSAGE' in HUGE letters]
CUT TO CU
Ze: [deadpan] They're making me do this.
CUT BACK TO CU OF BACK OF ZE'S HEAD
Ze: [sounding somewhat muffled]: Are the new viewers gone yet?
Alternate Alternate Version
CU of Ze's thumb, with a blue-pen happyface drawn on it.
Ze's thumb moves to indicate speech.
Ze: (in high-pitched falsetto) Welcome to thumbellina's adventures in thumbland. I'm thumbellina and I'll be your host for today's show!
[Beat]
Ze peeks his right eye into the bottom right corner of the frame.
Ze: Are the new viewers gone yet?
Douche without the Definition (Old Viewer Version
Ze: Good Morning Sports Racers! Knowledge got stuck in a wiki and nobody can get it out. That's right...it's 'Fabuloso Friday' where I do the show YOU want me to do!
Ze: But wait! That means you could theoretically have me say something like "I am a huge douchebag" for 5 straight minutes!
Ze: Aw, you guys aren't THAT big a bunch of sad, pathetic, sadistic sociopathic bastards.
[BEAT]
Ze: I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag.
ZE: Are the old viewers gone yet?
Douche without the Definition (New Viewer Version
Ze: Hi, New Viewer. Welcome to 'Fabuloso Friday' where I do the show YOU want me to do.
Ze: Today, you decided I should say "I am a huge douchebag" for 5 straight minutes.
[BEAT]
Ze: I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. I am a huge douchebag. (etc.)
ZE: Are the new viewers gone yet?
ZeFrank's Law Version
VERY QUICK CUT OF ZE:
Ze: First!
FAST CUT TO: [Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a crimson silk or velvet smoking jacket, a fake moustache, with his hair dyed some other color, stroking both his cats, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. A rubber duck and a framed photo of Clarence Thomas sit discreetly on the shelf in the back ground. He turns to camera.]
Ze: Hi there new viewer. Linus' law of open-source development states that "Given enough eyeballs, all bugs are shallow," referring to the belief that the more people who participate in the development of an open source-product, the more polished it will become.
Ze:[excited face and voice] Just ask [John Seigenthaler]
Ze: Today I'd like to unveil "ZeFrank's Law," which states that given enough hard-chargers, the resulting open-source show can and will handle like a bike with square wheels. Loser Car It'll get you where you wanna go, but it'll be a bumpy ride.
Ze: I bet that the more people who participate in the digestion of food, the more highly polished a turd they will produce!
Ze: [In a deep, seductive voice that would melt anyone's pants right off] Holy trainwreck of a show, sports racers! I am not feeling myself today -- it's Fabuloso Friday! Where you do the thinking so I don't have to.
Ze: --it's Fabuloso Friday! Where we eat our own-
CUT to view of Ze looking at the script
Ze: [With a tired-horrorified look on his face] Shiiiiiiiiiiii-
CUT to next part (play a "take 2" beep during the cut)
Democracy version
Ze: Hooray for democracy!
[SHOT OF CONGRESS]
Ze: Until late yesterday the majority opinion of the viewers who were writing this script was that I should kick off by repeatedly calling myself a douchebag.
Ze: Assholes.
Ze: Then at the last minute, another guy chipped in with this intro where I get to insult the majority and go with this:
[3 SECOND SHOT OF FLOWERS WITH TITLE OVERLAID "WILD FLOWERS OF NORTH AMERICA", SAPPY CLASSICAL MUSIC UNDER]
[ANOTHER SHOT OF FLOWERS. KEN BURNS EFFECT (PAN), NEW MUSIC UNDER]
Ze:(voiceover) The beauty and fragility of North American flora conceals the hardy nature of these plants. Extremes of both weather and soil mean that they must flourish in the most difficult of climates --
[QUICK CUT TO]
Ze: -- douchebag! There. Happy now?
Ze: Does democracy mean we have to go with what every idiot wants or only what most of the idiots want?
[OVER U.S. MAP SHOWING THE SHARE OF THE VOTES BETWEEN REP. AND DEM. AT LAST ELECTION]
Ze: Have the old viewers stopped fucking with the intro yet?