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If we're gonna make this thing work, we should stick to the same formatting style. It looks like we are converging a solid format. Any additions should follow the format.

It should be safe to assume that every new line of dialog will be a new camera cut. This fast paced, cut every line is the way Ze currently operates, we should stick with it. So there's no real need to say CUT unless you're giving further camera direction.

Example of Style

AaronStJ: Lines of dialog should look like this

[AaronStJ points out that action should look like this]

CUT to WIDE ANGLE

AaronStJ: Camera directions should look like that.

CU

AaronStJ: CU means closeup.

CU of Someone who isn't Oliver

Not Oliver: I think people are misusing the 'Closeup' and misunderstanding the use of different Cuts. Why don't we just give Ze discretion over all Cut sizes?

AaronStJ: Interesting. [Whispering] Different voices should look like this.

Oliver: Why are you whispering?

AaronStJ: A beat is a short pause for comedic timing.

[Beat]

AaronStJ: I want Ze's baby.

Please don't remove anything yet. We'll cut the material on Thursday when it's all here. Feel free to improve and/or add scripts.

Before We Go Live

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shh... Fabuloso Friday is brewing.

Pre-Intro / Viewer Challenge

This more upbeat intro concept appears in the up a notch section.

Intro/ATNVGY?

At this point there are currently several intro proposals. Read them here and go here to discuss which you prefer.

Trust my audience/Media Effect

CUT WIDE

Ze: Hopefully, handing the inmates the keys to what was already a burning asylum won't result in any permanent injuries or felony convictions.

CUT TO Image:bailbonds.jpg.

Ze: and hopefully random images and shoutouts will be a kept to a minimum!

[Cut to Image:Shoutoutduck.png for half of a second]

Ze: Why have I chosen to spend today as my audience's puppet?

CUT TO [Ze puppet]

Ze: Because of James Surowiecki 's theory of the wisdom of crowds.

Ze: Because of Tom Sawyer's theory of tricking others into doing your work.

Ze: Because I'm lonely.

Ze: Because if a million typewriting monkeys were good enough for Shakespeare, they're good enough for a shameless publicity stunt.

Ze: Because I'm lonely.

Ze: Because unlike those creatively-bankrupt spiritually-empty greedheads in the mainstream media, I TRUST my audience.

Ze: And yes, I am aware that I'm referring to the very same audience who routinely leaves irrelevant and asinine comments on my show . . . which I am now allowing them to create... by themselves.

Ze: Here's hoping that the nerdy and the unemployed can think of funnier things to put in a show than "First!" and "Hey, Ze, you'd love this random link that I'm including with my irrelevant and asinine comment!

Ze: And once more for shits and giggles, 'asinine'.

[Cut to image: [Image]]

[Cut to close-up of image. (Freak in.) AND THEN; Execute the "Ze Effect" [ie. the one with all the zooming, sliding, and the crotch tree. Don't forget the lightning.].]

Ze: [through smiling teeth] Kill me.

Knowledge

There are many alternate proposals on how to do this very important sentence. It has moved here! Currently, the following two seem to be candidates for the show:

• Good Morning, Sports Racers, it's Fabuloso Friday June 9th, and knowledge has learned the true meaning of 'too many cooks spoil the broth'.
• Good Morning, Sports Racers, It's Fabuloso Friday June 9th. Knowledge got stuck in a wiki, and no one knows how to get it out.

You don't agree? Well that was the impression before I formalized the voting, not all votes and comments have been converted to real votes! So let's go voting on the knowledge main page.

Gay Marriage

[[1]] [[2]] [[3]]

[Intro song: 'here's something I like that's gay!]

CLOSEUP

Ze: Marriage!

LESS CLOSEUP

Ze: Congress spent 3 days debating gay marriage because they want America to know that there's nothing gay about marriage.

[Beat]

Ze: Or Congress.

[Cut to photos of Married By America or Britney Spears' first wedding while while "What's something I like that's gay" plays].

Ze: Banning gay marriage because someone thinks it's bad for you is like banning alcohol because someone might drink and drive. [[4]]

Ze: Or cigarettes because someone might get lung cancer. [[5]]

Ze: Or radioactive waste dumping because someone might get birth defects. [[6]]

Ze: Or underground nuclear testing because we could destroy our planet. [[7]]

[Ze looks away from camera]

Ze: [Disgusted] Who WROTE this?

Ze: [Realizes. Stupid Fabuloso Friday.] Oh.

Ze: [Staring right at the camera] Where were you guys going with this?

Ze: There's a reason "slippery slope" is listed among logical fallacies. Redefining marriage to allow people of the same gender to get married is no more the slippery slope to human-animal hybrids that it was when we started allowing people of different races to get married, or when marriage became an equal union between a man and a woman and stopped being a property arrangement between a man and one or more women.

Ze: ... or when paleolithic humans finally STOPPED marrying chimps...

Ze: Banning gay marriage isn't about saving straight marriage, it is about preventing gay people from being considered normal...

Ze: ....and sucking tongue in public where anyone can see.

Ze: Seeing two women kissing also contributes to the downfall of heterosexual marriage, but mostly because straight men can't stop masturbating long enough to actually bedazzle the livestock. (photo of that New Yorker cover of Bush and Dick looking Brokebacked) with voice over "I wish I could quit you."]

Ze: If you really want to protect marriage, don't ban gay marriage. Ban divorce!

Sudanese Genocide

Ze: While the current Administration riles up American anger towards homosexuals, people who don't spend their time blaming minorities for their own insecurities wonder if this isn't just a cheap tactic to divert attention from things like

GRAPHIC

Ze: A Civil War in Iraq!

GRAPHIC

Ze: A trial for war crimes in Iraq!

GRAPHIC

Ze: A generally failing and falsly initiated war in Iraq!

GRAPHIC

Ze: A Genocide in Sudan which America refuses to get involved in, while claiming to have invaded Iraq due to human rights concerns!

CUT BACK TO ZE

Ze: Why are we "helping" the Iraqis and not the Sudanese?

Ze: Because Iraq harbors terrorists.

Ze: Because Iraq harbors oil reserves.

Ze: Because oil will keep our SUVs on the road.

Ze: Because our SUVs will keep CO2 in the air.

Ze: Because CO2 will cause an imbalance in the earth's delicate climate system, leading to an ice age and the extinction of mankind.

Ze: (That'll show those evil terrorists.)

Vloggers: Pure Comedy Gold

CUT TO SHOT OF PEOPLE AT VLOGGERCON

Ze: These people are in San Francisco this weekend for Vloggercon.

CLOSEUP

Ze: [quizzical] Vloggercon?

Ze: Not just consumers, prosumers. Not just watchers, do-ers.

Ze: Doo-doo-ers? hehehehe.

Ze: Vloggercon is a convention of people who have videoblogs. Or videopodcasts. Or vlogs.

Ze: ["quizzical"] What's a vlog?

[CUT TO WIDE]

Ze: They put the video into the machine and the machine makes the video magically appear. Acon.

Ze: Speaking at putvideointomachineandvideomagicallyappearsaCon will be none another than Amanda Congdon, who will put one ducky on her podium if she shares my feelings, two duckies if she doesn't, and 7 duckies if she's undecided.

[CUT TO BRIEF '7 DUCKIES' SONG]

CUT TO CU

Ze: Seven Duckies all together would be awesome... It would be, like, a duckie con. DUCKIE CON!

[CUT TO BRIEF CONTINUATION OF 7 DUCKES SONG, NOW WORDED AROUND 'DUCKIE CON']

Ze: Seeing duckies hang out would be much cooler than seeing videobloggers hang out. Especially if the videobloggers didn't have cameras, and the duckes had superpowers!

Ze: [excited, conspiratorial, declaring] My duckies have superpowers!

[beat]

Ze: [sad] No they don't.

Ze: I wonder if Vloggercon will have any gay celebrities there?

[Cut to Image of Kirk and Spock in tuxedoes]

Dirty Space News

music: I. Mars, from Holst's The Planets <-- why not Jupiter? It's part of the suite too.

[Using news from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4781730.stm and http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/05jun_redperil.htm]

Ze: [seductive voice] More dirty space news!

Ze: [looking extremely jolly] Without naughty bits.

Ze: [back to normal] Jupiter now has two pimples. [Slightly disgusted facial expression] [[8]] [[9]] [[10]] [[11]] [[12]] [[13]] [[14]]

Ze: The BBC reports: 'The (accentuating "gas") gas giant...

CLOSEUP

Ze: [snickers]

Ze: ...is growing another red spot, which NASA astronomers have nicknamed "Red Jr.".

[[15]]

[[16]]

Ze: Amateuronomer pitches in with... [image?]

Ze: [wearing nerdy glasses, effecting a geeky voice] 'The oval was white in November 2005... [[17]] and red a few weeks ago.' [[18]]

Ze: [looking both disgusted and aroused] Ewww.

Ze: Most astromers agree that Red Jr. Is going to blow

[[19]]

Ze: [barely holding in laughter]

[[20]]

Ze: into the big red spot.

[[21]]

Ze: [eyes screwed up in a herculean effort not to laugh]]

Ze: The two storms will make their closest approach on July 4th, 2006, barely giving the Senate enough time to debate a constitutional amendment banning older, larger storms [[22]] from blowing smaller, younger ones.

[[23]] [[24]]

Ze: [in a scolding, slightly effeminate voice] Space is dirty!

Shorter Dirty Space News

(trying to consolodate what's worked here)

Ze: Dirty Space News!

Ze: According to Science@Nasa.gov... [25]

Ze: NASholes!

Ze: ...the two biggest storms in the solar system are about to 'go bump in the night.'

Ze: bumpin thenight bumpin thenight

Ze: The famous "Great Red Spot' of Jupiter, with winds blowing 350 miles per hour...

Ze: That's some hard blowing.

Ze: ...is getting ready to blow a smaller, younger spot nicknamed 'Red Jr'.

Ze: Wah?! 'Blowing' Jr?!

Ze: The storms on the gas giant...

Ze: Gas. That's like farting!

Ze: ...are immense. The Great Red Spot is able to swallow...

Ze: (snicker)

Ze: ...the Earth twice. And although Red Jr. can only swallow...

Ze: (snicker)

Ze: ...Earth once, it still 'blows just as hard as its older cousin.' [26]

Ze: That's a quote.

Ze: Space is dirty!

English as She is Spoke

Sucked. Cut. See the discussion of this section here.
I also voted against this, but please don't just DELETE things. I fisdhed it up and put it back here.'

Asshole babies

(Ze executes a "Congdon Transition," possibly while wearing a wig or wig-substitute)

Ze: Scientists report that premature babies face higher risk of hyperactivity.

Ze: Ever think that maybe that is WHY they are premature?

Ze: [irritated] Assholes.

Ze: Speaking of asshole babies, The League of Awesomeness reported a conspiracy to integrate Giant Babies into society under the guise of cuteness.

CUT TO THIS IMAGE

Ze: But a true Sports Racer knows the Giant Baby agenda...

CUT TO THIS IMAGE

Ze: ...to eat the bread from the Earth Sandwich project.

Ze: If you see any Giant Babies please deliver them to the League of Awesomeness Headquarters (use your power move, if necessary) for immediate interrogation and introduction to addictive substances.

CUT TO THIS IMAGE and THIS IMAGE

IMAGE [27] [[28]] [[29]] [[30]] [[31]] [[32]] [[33]] [[34]]

[Cut to Ze playing guitar and singing the lyrics mentioned below. The "l"'s mark the beginning of each meter, strumming pattern is really up to someone elses discretion, I reccomend something reasonably fast with strong first beats, which correspond to the syllable which is bracketed']

    lAm          l         lF     1

Gonna (catch) me giant (ba)bies on a (fab)uloso (fri)day

   lAm            l          lF          l

Gonna (give) 'em crack and (vod)ka on this "(Get) a baby high (day)."

(the following subtitle flashes a few times: "THIS SONG COURTESY OF FABULOSO FRIDAY")

 lC         lG         lF           lC

And (if) the cops ar(rest) me, I will (give) them all your (names.)

lC         lG         lF      lC

For (I) am just a (pup)pet in your (fab)uloso (games.)

[Cut to Ze trying to play harmonica and sing the lyrics mentioned above]

Ze: Fucking harmonica.

[Throws harmonica in childish rage]

[Cut to show wide shot to show both Ze and Harmonica, beat, and then]

[CLOSEUP on Ze]

Ze: [sad voice] Sorry.

Starbucks Product Placement

See the discussion of this section here.

Ze: [wired] More scary news: Drinking coffee makes you more susceptible to persuasion. [sip] Or, as the press outlets who take ad money from Starbucks headlined, 'Drinking Coffe makes you more open-minded.

Ze chuckles, smiles knowingly, sceptically, and shakes his head. This is interupted by him taking another Sip.

Ze: [sip] Apparently, moderate doses of caffeine [sip] make you more easily convinced by arguments [sip] that you would otherwise ignore. [Bug Eyed w/ falsetto opera voice] Fabuloso Friday!!! [dejected] starbucks ruined my show, I would've never agreed...

Ze: [news voice] In other news (screenshot of http://tinyurl.com/e7gaf), the Iraqi prime minister Nuri al-Maliki, pictured here engaged in felatio with an invisible giant ducky, said he would release 2,500 mostly Shi'ite prisoners, in an apparent bid to shore up his authority amid signs of tension in his ruling Shi'ite Alliance.

Ze: [holding Starbucks cup, casual voice] And if I can take a moment to editorialize, I've always trusted that the Bush administration would do everything in its power to create the conditions necessary for victory, and I think that a release of prisoners intended to pander to ethnic divisions will be remembered as the turning point towards that victory. (sip)

EACH NEW CUT is slightly off kilter at a different angle for the product placement

Ze: [smug] Mmm, Starbucks, makes you an empty vessel for implausible assertions.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a willing servant of your local hegemon.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a filthy, raunchy puppet. [cut to Ze looking shocked and delighted]

CUT TO [Ze puppet]

Ze: [Looking off camera disapprovingly, then shakes head sadly] Bobo Twins!

S-s-s-something from the Bible

There has been some argument about this script and there is an alternate script proposed. You can view them here.

S-s-s-something from the Comments

This section is under heavy development, click on the link to edit it or click here. The idea is to leave a number of comments on Thursday and force Ze to comment on these metacomments. This is being offered as an alternative to S-s-something from the Bible.

FIFA World Cup 2006

This section has been moved here because there are issues that needs to be resolved.

Closing Challenge

Ze: (grinning like an idiot) That was so much fucking fun! Lets do it every goddamn Friday!

Ze: (exaggeratedly optimistic, sarcastic) Yeah, why the fuck not.

Ze: [Ze does a little cucumber dance while singing...] little darlin it's been a long cold lonely winter little darlin it seems like years since it's been clear here comes the sun do do do do here comes the sun and i say it's alright da da na na da na na da na na deedo deedo

Ze: (whispering) Come over to the dark side... we'll think for you.

Ze: (singing) Fabuloso Friday! Friday Fabuloso!

Ze: [taking us into his confidence, matter-of-factly:] Hey, Maybe I'll even re-think my 'no nudity' policy! [nods 'oh yeah, that's right' ]

Ze: Yes-no-I-this-is Ze Frank,

(flash through these at 1-per-frame -a little over kill, but you get the idea)

[[35]] [[36]] [[37]] [[38]] [[39]] [[40]] [[41]] [[42]] [[43]] [[44]] [[45]] [[46]] [[47]] [[48]] [[49]] [[50]] [[51]] [[52]] [[53]] [[54]] [[55]] [[56]] [[57]] [[58]] [[59]] [[60]] [[61]] [[62]] [[63]] [[64]] [[65]]

Ze: Letting you think, so I don't have to.

Ze: Wishing I had been thinking, so you wouldn't have to... have been... thinking. For me.

[CLOSEUP to Ze blinking furiously - one eye at a time]

[Beat]

Ze: Are the old viewers gone yet?