Fabuloso Friday/Main Project Page

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It's over!

The script for June 9th has been sent to Ze. You can read the final, final version here

Thank you very much to everyone that helped out on this. We rocked this one. Unfortunately (as we knew would happen) a lot of stuff had to get cut for time. Hopefully it can be used next week. But that's up to you guys, if I keep up this Fabuloso Friday stuff, I'm sure to get fired. If your stuff got cut, nothing personal, I assure you. I did things according to the voting, and really tried not to be a hard charger about it. If you disagree, I apologize.

Thanks again for all the hard work. We couldn't have done it without us, Sports Racer. We rock.

Now I don't know about you guys, but I'm gonna go drink. --AaronStJ 20:54, 8 June 2006 (PDT)

How We Will Work This Thing

Ok, it's getting about that time. Thursday afternoon. We need a script by Thursday midnight. It looks very much like I'll be the delivery boy, which gives me a certain degree of power. With power comes responsibility. Here is my current plan. You guys have to watch me to make sure I don't screw things up. If this plan sucks, comment on it.

There are several open issues that need to be voted on, including

  • Which intro to use VOTE!
  • Which knowledge to use VOTE!
  • Which comments to use VOTE!

We also need to cut the script down. Which sections to cut and which sections to keep?

This is the most important poll. VOTE!

Please vote on these issues, and do it before 10:00 ET / 7:00 PT. Your votes do matter.

At about 10:30 ET / 7:30 PT - I'll tally all the votes, and produce a first draft of a final script. The most popular version of the intro and knowledge etc. will be used. Then I'll start trimming. The idea is that I'll trim least popular sections first, until it's under three minutes. Then I'll post the draft on the wiki. Final polishing will begin then. No new sections will be created, no sections will be deleted, and no major changes will take place. I'll be watching like a hawk for hard chargers. Then, at around 11:30 ET / 8:30 PT I'll email the final script to Ze. I'll CC my final script to anyone who wants it so they can be sure I didn't hard charge it.

Then, we wait. Yes . we change it... may i change this page? by the way : Crap crap crap!

To-Do List

  • Sudanese Genocide needs photographs
  • Need CSS and homepage images
  • Seed all comments (see: Which comments to seed? talk)
  • We need to reduce the number of Zarqawi stories in Ticker below
  • Add other last-minute to-do items here

Ridiculously long TOC

Fabuloso Friday
Fabuloso Friday
Fabuloso Friday logo draft 6
Fabuloso Friday logo draft 6


Navigation aids

Current Script

Before We Go Live


shh... Fabuloso Friday is stewing.

Scrolling News Ticker

To be run left-to-right like on Al-Jazeera 

We need to reduce the number of Zarqawi stories.

I read somewhere that someone wanted a scrolling news ticker - post your lines here. Do not delete any.

Yes! Entries should take the form of CNN/FOX blurbs. Turn on the TV to see the format. Do not add punctuation to the beginning or end. Use ellipsis in the middle. muyfabulosotalk
  • Terror Alert: Duckie Yellow
  • Katie Holmes to undergo sex change surgery ... Tom Cruise insists it was all her idea
  • Have you bought a shirt yet?
  • Same sex marriage amendment shot down ... Bush/Cheney set July date
  • Major sports team wins in major television market after men play ball for an hour
  • Usama Bin Laden’s name changed because it started with USA ... now goes by name "Shirky"
  • Senate passes anti-defamation "bill" ... it's not duckie, it's mallard-American
  • Variety: Jessica Alba signs on to feature in Vivid's "Rubber Duckie Fun"
  • American Idol singer craps pants during Sinatra standard ... inks Depends® endorsement deal during commercial break
  • 75% of CIA operatives have jellybean fetish
  • The letter Q [in pink or purple contrasting with other words] 'outed' from the alphabet
  • Can you believe this crap?
  • Zarqawi (R-CA) narrow victor in special election for vacant Cunningham SoCal seat...Dems admit outcome “unforeseen” but still claim result bodes well for November mid-terms
  • Somewhere on this cluttered page is a hidden link for midget porn
  • Mayo clinic reveals that mustard seeds prevent tartar
  • Amazon.com files suit against TallWoman.com for trademark infringement
  • Have a cookie
  • 7% of Nantucket men experience neck hypertension...Nantucket women don't mind
  • Sometimes when a car is parked really close to me I flick a booger on it
  • Variety reports 'When Harry Met Sally 2' to feature CGI Meg Ryan
  • Mobile camera technology becoming more durable; rock throwers getting more accurate
  • Nader caught wanking in tent with Duke lacross team
  • www.goldenpalace.com
  • 'Death Tax' repeal fails in the Senate; dead people revolt. Terror alert: Duckie Orange
  • Bush calls Kofi a "big poo poo head"
  • Garter belts made for men. It's a good idea.
  • Qaeda mole, US SpecOps blow Zarqawi cover, brains
  • There was a fantastic joke right here but some jackass on the wiki deleted it
  • Advertising found to be influencing factor on consumer trends
  • I miss the old shows
  • Internet to close next Thursday for "a good, thorough cleaning"
  • 59% of news statistics are completely made up
  • Starbucks announces Mylanta acquisition
  • Scientists discover missing link between TV viewing and stupidity
  • Honest Lawyer discovered in Washington DC
  • Zarqawi’s shocked widow reacts: "We all knew he was sick but he went so quickly"
  • Stocks fall, bonds down, terror alert: Duckie Yellow
  • An independent Boston study confirms nothing
  • I think my roommate's girlfriend has a crush on me
  • With gas prices on the rise Bush vows to stay the course, terror alert: Duckie Red
  • Poop
  • Zarqawi Safe House designated Shiite shrine...Halliburton wins contract to rebuild
  • Beleaguered SF slugger goes on disabled list...routine exam reveals syringe lodged in sphincter
  • Bids on Tony Snow's wig reach $84,371 on eBay
  • Qaeda Mole Outed...Zarqawi’s wife, Rumsfeld linked in illicit life insurance scam
  • Stop reading these and look into my eyes
  • SpecOps raid on Baath house catches Donald and Condi in flagrante delicto
  • Autopsy shows Zarqawi’s elevated cholesterol made him "a walking time bomb"
  • Shiloh Pitt-Jolie named one of People Magazine’s “50 Most Beautiful, Shriveled, Blood-Soaked, Shrieking People in the World”...Zarqawi 43rd in Inaugural Poll
  • People who waste all their time talking about celebrities owe me a salad
  • Godless and empty, what are we to do!?

Fabuloso Friday/Intro/ATNVGY?

[Ze is sitting in an armchair, wearing a smoking jacket, a fake moustache, with his hair dyed "salt and pepper respectable gentleman," stroking both his cats, and puffing on a bubble pipe while looking thoughtfully into the distance. On the table next to him sits a small rotating globe with bread slices at the poles. A rubber duck and a framed photo of Clarence Thomas sit discreetly on the shelf in the background. He turns to camera.]

At this point there are currently several intro proposals. Read them here and go here to discuss which you prefer.

Most importantly, VOTE on your favorite version!

Fabuloso Friday/Knowledge

There are many alternate proposals on how to do this very important sentence. It has moved here!

So let's go vote on the best one at the knowledge main page.

Trust my audience/Media Effect

Ze Puppet
Ze Puppet

Ze: Hopefully, handing the inmates the keys to what was already a burning asylum won't result in any permanent injuries or felony convictions.

CUT TO Image:bailbonds.jpg.

Ze: and hopefully random images and shoutouts will be a kept to a minimum

[Cut to Image:Shoutoutduck.png for half of a second]

Ze: Why, you ask, am I doing this, allowing myself to become no more than a sad, simpering pinocchio...

CUT TO [Ze puppet]

Ze: ...without the songs and the dancing but with the giant whale trying to eat me and maybe the big fat bearded man locking me up in a cage?

Ze: Because unlike those spiritually empty greedheads in the mainstream media, I TRUST my audience.

Ze: [giving a sidelong stare to camera ]

Ze: And yes, I am aware that I'm referring to the very same audience which routinely leaves irrelevant and asinine comments on my show

Ze: [worried] which I am now allowing them to create

Ze: [terrified] all by themselves.

Ze: Here's hoping that the nerdy, the lonely and unemployed can think of funny things to say.

[Cut to image: [Image]]

[Cut to close-up of image. (Freak in.) AND THEN; Execute the "Ze Effect" [ie. the one with all the zooming, sliding, and the crotch tree. Don't forget the lightning.].]

Ze: (through smiling teeth) Kill me.

Ze: (matter of factly) I love -- LOVE -- my audience.

Ze: (eastern-european accent of innocence): Mama, they wrote unspeakable things, spinning degrading webs of filth.


Ze: (normal sulky voice) All you care about are my unmentionables.

Ze: [sulking] Assholes.

Gay Marriage

[Intro song: Hi, I'm Ze. What's something I like that's gay?]


Ze: Marriage!


Ze: Congress spent 3 days debating gay marriage because they want America to know that there's nothing gay about marriage.


Ze: Or Congress.

[Cut to photos of Married By America or Britney Spears' first wedding while while "What's something I like that's gay" plays].

Ze: Banning gay marriage because someone thinks it's bad for you is like banning alcohol because someone might drink and drive. [[1]]

Ze: Or cigarettes because someone might get lung cancer. [[2]]

Ze: Or radioactive waste dumping because someone might get birth defects. [[3]]

Ze: Or underground nuclear testing because we could destroy our planet. [[4]]

[Ze looks away from camera]

Ze: [Disgusted] Who WROTE this?

Ze: [Realizes. Stupid Fabuloso Friday.] Oh.

Ze: [Staring right at the camera] Where were you guys going with this?

Ze: [Intelligent Ze character voice] There's a reason "slippery slope" is listed among logical fallacies. Allowing people of the same gender to get married is no more a slippery slope to human-chimp hybrids than allowing people of different races to get married, or when marriage stopped being a property arrangement, with women being part of the property.

Ze: ... or when paleolithic humans FINALLY stopped f-bombing chimps...

Ze: Banning gay marriage isn't about saving straight marriage, it is about preventing gay people from being considered normal...

Ze: ....and from sucking tongue in public where anyone can see.

Ze: Seeing two women kissing does contributes to the downfall of heterosexual marriage, but mostly because straight men can't stop masturbating long enough to actually bedazzle the livestock.

Ze: Luckily, on the internet, anybody can watch virtually anyone do anything any time. Like you. Watching me!

Sudanese Genocide

Civil War in Iraq
Civil War in Iraq
Trial for war crimes
Trial for war crimes
Falsely initiated war
Falsely initiated war

Ze: S-s-s-somethin' from a...nother continent.

Ze: While the current Administration riles up American anger towards homosexuals, people who don't spend their time blaming minorities for their own failures wonder if this isn't just a cheap tactic to divert attention from things like


Ze: A Civil War in Iraq!


Ze: A trial for war crimes in Iraq!


Ze: A generally failing and falsely initiated war in Iraq!


Ze: A Genocide in Sudan which America refuses to get involved in, while claiming to have invaded Iraq due to human rights concerns!


Ze: Why are we "helping" the Iraqis and not the Sudanese?

Ze: Because Iraq harbors terrorists.

Ze: Because Iraq harbors oil reserves.

Ze: Because oil will keep our SUVs on the road.

Ze: Because SUVs will keep CO2 in the air.

Ze: Because CO2 will cause an imbalance in the earth's delicate climate system, leading to an ice age and the extinction of mankind.

Ze: (That'll show those evil terrorists.)

Vloggers: Pure Comedy Gold

Vloggercon 2005
Vloggercon 2005

Ze: These people are in San Francisco this weekend for Vloggercon.


Ze: A vlogger is a shy exhibitionist who is more comfortable talking to a camera than a person.

[Beat, as he considers this self-referential statement.]

Ze: Popular vloggers are invited to Vloggercon, giving them an opportunity to record someone other than themselves.

[CUT to shot of entire room, empty except for a camera and Ze sitting lonely and awkwardly in the corner.]

Duckie Con Song

Duckie Con
Duckie Con
Duckie Con
Duckie Con

Ze: Fortunately, the League of Awesomeness hosts an even awesomer Con of its own.

[start music]

Tune is here: [5] (Probably just first 15 seconds or so...) Please discuss here.

Ze: [sings/shouts, James Brown-style] Duckie Con!

Ze: [sings] That's where my duckie gone!

Ze: [sings] To play my funky song!

Dirty Space News

 Red Jr.
Red Jr.

[Using news from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4781730.stm and http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/05jun_redperil.htm]

Ze: [seductive voice] More dirty space news!

Ze: [looking extremely jolly] Without naughty bits.

Ze: [back to normal] Jupiter is growing another pimple. [Slightly disgusted facial expression]

Ze: The BBC reports: 'The gas giant...


Ze: [giggling] That's like a big fart!

Ze: ...is growing another red spot, which NASA astronomers have nicknamed "Red Jr.".

Ze: What, like, they have names now?

Ze: [irritated] NASsholes!

[Cut to Ze, looking frantically and hopelessly through a day planner]

Ze: Oh why can't I remember Red Junior's birthday?

Ze: An amateur as-

[Cut to Ze for a split-second, looking slightly amused in a juvinile fashion]

Ze: -tronomer chimes in.

Ze: [wearing nerdy glasses, effecting a geeky voice] 'The oval was white in November 2005... and red a few weeks ago.'

Ze: [looking both disgusted and aroused] Ewww.

Ze: Most astromers agree that Red Jr. Is going to blow


Ze: [barely holding in laughter]

Ze: into the big red spot.


Ze: [eyes screwed up in a herculean effort not to laugh, a rictus grin planted on his face as a high-pitched gurgle escapes his throat]]

Ze: The two storms will make their closest approach on July 4th, 2006, barely giving the Senate enough time to debate the merits of a constitutional amendment banning older, larger storms from blowing smaller, younger ones.

Ze: [in a scolding, slightly effeminate voice] Space is dirty!

Dirty Space News #2

(because the top one has all the fart jokes but someone keeps deleting all the factual information that sets up the "blow" part...)

 Red Jr.
Red Jr.

[Using news from http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/4781730.stm and http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2006/05jun_redperil.htm]

Ze: Dirty Space News!

Ze: According to Science@Nasa.gov... [6]

Ze: ...the two biggest storms in the solar system are about to 'go bump in the night.'

Ze: The famous 'Great Red Spot' of Jupiter, with winds blowing at 350 miles per hour...

Ze: ...is getting ready to cross paths with a smaller, younger storm, nicknamed 'Red Jr'.

Ze: [reading a news source, wearing nerdy glasses, effecting a geeky voice] 'The oval was white in November 2005... and became a red spot a few weeks ago.'

Ze: [confused yet aroused look]

Ze: The big spot is so big it could swallow the Earth twice. Red Jr. can only swallow Earth once, but he still 'blows just as hard as its older cousin.' [7]

Ze: That's a quote.

Ze: The two storms make their closest approach on July 4th, 2006. Alberto Gonzales is monitoring the situation closely.

[[8]] [[9]] [[10]]

Fabuloso Friday/Say the Opposite, Say the Opposite

This was here, discussion here. Now it's here: Cleaned up, tightened, betterified.

Coultier/Coulter what's the diff?
Coultier/Coulter what's the diff?

Ze: This week’s archenemy of humanity is republican pundit Ann Coulter,

[CUT to picture]

Ze {over]- Seen here about to fellate an intern - who in her recent book calls the 9/11 widows who succeeded in forcing the creation of the 9/11 Congressional Commission, "witches". In her book she states, "how do we know their husbands weren't planning to divorce these harpies? Now that their shelf life is dwindling, they'd better hurry up and appear in Playboy."

[CU of Ze]

Ze Vilifying these women, who contributed to John Kerry’s presidential campaign, is her way of neutralizing their political potency.

Ze: When asked by Reuters why she made ad hominem attacks, Coulter replied, "I am tired of victims being used as billboards for other untenable liberal political beliefs." She was not, however, alluding to untenable practices; using victims of 9/11 to promote a strategy for fighting terror, the war in Iraq, and the tendency to raise the terror alert threat level during election cycles. Coulter is betting her hardcharging audience won’t see the irony.

Ze Or this show.

FIFA World Cup 2006

This is a freeze of a reasonable version from the page.

Minor knocks
Minor knocks

Ze: Today, the World Cup for that sport Europeans think is 'Football' kicks off in Germany

Ze: REAL football, as all heterosexual Americans know, is played by THROWING and CATCHING an oblong "pig-skin" and smacking each others' butts.

Ze: In this World Cup, thirty-two teams will compete to see who has the best ball-handling skills.

Ze: (smirking/laughing)

Ze: The English national team pictured here discussing intelligent design had their hopes dashed when striker Wayne Rooney was tragically transformed into a nike commercial giant baby during a league game with Chelsea.

Ze: Recently there's rumors of the loss of famous ball handler [Ze smirk again, "He handles balls...." giggle] David Beckham, who's been locked in thought for weeks wondering whether the earth really could be a Sandwich.

Ze: Not true! According to the BBC "Ashley Cole and David Beckham made an appearance but missed the practice match due to minor knocks"

[Zoom in on Ashley Cole's hand]

[CUT to a more artistic version of THIS PICTURE, or just this]

Ze: Coal is dirty...

Asshole babies


Ze: Scientists report that premature babies face higher risk of hyperactivity.

Ze: [irritated] Assholes.

Ze: I hear there's a conspiracy to integrate Giant Babies into society under the guise of cuteness.

 Guise of cuteness!
Guise of cuteness!


Ze: True Sports Racers know the Giant Baby agenda


Ze: If you see any Giant Babies...


Ze: please deliver them to the League of Awesomeness...


Ze: for immediate introduction to growth-stunting substances.

Fabuloso Friday Song

Vote on this section here

[Cut to Ze playing guitar and singing the lyrics mentioned below.]

[Cowboy campfire vibe.]

(G) I'm (G7) gon-na

(C) round me up some babies on this (F) Fabuloso Friday

Gonna (G) give 'em beer and smokes and drinks (F) until they sees it (C) my way


And (C) if the cops ar- (C7) rest me, I won't (F) have a word to (D7) say

(return to tempo)

[The following subtitle flashes a few times: "THIS SONG COURTESY OF FABULOSO FRIDAY"]

'Cause (C) I am just a (F) puppet in your (G) Fabuloso (C) play

Ze: Muy fabuloso!

Fabuloso Friday/Starbucks Product Placement

See the discussion of this section here.

Source: http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn9280-drinking-coffee-makes-you-more-openminded.html

Ze: [wired] In twitchy, jittery news, New Scientists proclaim that 'Drinking Coffee makes you more open-minded.

[Each cut starts with a coffee sip, and is increasingly off-kilter. This part is FAST and caffeinated]

Ze: [sip] Apparently, moderate doses of caffeine

Ze: [sip] make you more easily convinced by arguments

Ze: [sip]

Ze: [sip] that you would otherwise ignore.

Ze: [sip]

Ze: [reading the New York Post] It all makes sense!

Ze: [smug] Mmm, Starbucks, makes you an empty vessel for implausible assertions.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a willing servant of your local hegemon.

Ze: [smug] ...makes you a filthy, raunchy puppet.

[cut to Ze looking shocked and delighted]

Fabuloso Friday/S-s-s-something from the Bible

Deleted section. Old scripts here.

S-s-s-something from the Condiments

 source: Morguefile with some tweaks
source: Morguefile with some tweaks

Ze: S-s-s-something from the condiments.

[cut to salt shaker photo (inset)]

Ze: [thrilled] Sal- [is cut off by next segment]

Fabuloso Friday/S-s-s-something from the Comments

  • View the section here
  • Vote on your favorite here

Fabuloso Friday/Here's Something I Like That's Gay

[Before anyone deletes this as "Gay Baiting", first ask "Am I gay? Do I know whether the person who wrote this is gay? Is this "gay-baiting", or is this an authentic comment by Ze, who has no qualms about gay folks whatever?" Hey - let's let folks vote on it. Let's hear from other gay sports racers!]

My apologies, I deleted this earlier, thinking it was a repeat of the earlier verison. Now it just seems smarmy, but not gay-baiting. Hokie

Text here, discussion here.

Closing Challenge

Ze: (grinning like an idiot) That was so much fun! Let's do it every Friday!

Ze: (singing) Fabuloso Friday! Friday Fabuloso!

Ze: [taking us into his confidence, matter-of-factly:] Hey, Maybe I'll even re-think my 'no nudity' policy! [nods 'oh yeah, that's right' ]

Ze: Yes-no-I ... This-is Ze Frank,

[A picture of CRAZY FROG is on the monitor behind him (picture).]

Ze: Wishing I had been thinking, so you wouldn't have to... have been... thinking. For me.

[CLOSEUP to Ze blinking furiously - one eye at a time]

[Cut to black screen. Hold for 2 seconds.]

Ze: [murmuring, furtive] Are the old viewers gone yet?


Show constraints

We are leaving the final delivery of the script to the person who wins this poll the lovely and talented AaronStJ. Here's a list of requirements for tomorrow's show:

  • the show will be under 3 minutes. (Ze's last show)
  • There will be no references to Amanda Congdon. (poll)
  • There should be a song included (poll)


If we're gonna make this thing work, we should stick to the same formatting style. It looks like we are converging a solid format. Any additions should follow the format.

It should be safe to assume that every new line of dialog will be a new camera cut. This fast paced, cut every line is the way Ze currently operates, we should stick with it. So there's no real need to say CUT unless you're giving further camera direction.

Example of Style

AaronStJ: Lines of dialog should look like this

[AaronStJ points out that action should look like this]


AaronStJ: Camera directions should look like that.


AaronStJ: CU means closeup.

CU of Someone who isn't Oliver

Not Oliver: I think people are misusing the 'Closeup' and misunderstanding the use of different Cuts. Why don't we just give Ze discretion over all Cut sizes?

AaronStJ: Interesting. [Whispering] Different voices should look like this.

Oliver: Why are you whispering?

AaronStJ: A beat is a short pause for comedic timing.


AaronStJ: I want Ze's baby.

Please don't remove anything yet. We'll cut the material on Thursday when it's all here. Feel free to improve and/or add scripts.

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